Saturday, July 21, 2007

To be spontaneous, my friend, is an act of faith

I used to think that everything done spontaneously was the best deal to bargain for. No plans, no worries, no upsets. Back when I was younger, still at the spark of life's beginning, me and a bunch of friends would mingle and make last minute decisions for the things we want to do without the hassle of being adult about it. I thought that was amazing the way we did what we did on a whim. Like spending nights in one another's homes, traveling out of the city to places we could afford, watching the stars and boats at the jetty and doing whatever else our hearts and minds fancied. This went on for a while in the three years we were together since we were bound by college life. But as everything in the turning of the wheel goes our adventurous escapades didn't last. Upon completing the course, we set out to search our own destinies and inevitable contract for adulthood. We met occasionally in our new environment and we missed the good old times when there was not a care in the world. We tried again to relive those days but they were never the same again. Although at one point when all of us had our lives altered by our own partners, the dry season of our friendship prolonged for quite a fair bit of time. We thought it was all vanishing like how acquaintances usually do. Of all our gang of friends who used to do the crazies and on the spur, only three of us kept very closely in touch. But only two of us would finally meet up and still try our hand at being impromptu, but with a little more responsibility attached to it. It wasn't the same as before where we whiled our time away wondering about the big secret of life. Now we are part of the secret and trying to make it real to us. Somehow we realized that there was no point in getting back to where and what we used to be. It was the 'now' that was important and how we changed with time and age that makes it even more relevant because the fact remains that we are still friends. It's been twenty years that we have known each other and when we meet we still wonder how all those time just flew by. Although we are committed by choice or obligation at this time, when we meet up we are back to our college days of rain watching and adventure seeking. And the spontaneity is not of what we do but what we feel being together.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

My Time

Today I sigh with that breath of mine.
I had so much to eat and yet I have none.
I am tired and sleepy
and my eyes are heavy,
for sleep, for fresh air,
for a need, for a purpose.
It's so quiet and the noises are muffled,
but I could still hear the crying children.
Is there a warm bed in the house?
I'm not sure but everything is feeling hot
and restless, looking for answers.
I don't want to close my eyes and go to sleep
I don't want to rest until I can dance to the beat,
but I cannot party while I'm like this.
When I think about looking out the window
to the evening skies,
and day dreaming under the tree
with my crooked smile.
I know it's been too long
and it's been a while
I have snuggled with the pillows
and cowering under the blanket.
It's time to wake up, get up and step up,
before I can take another bow.
I welcome the sunshine and all the light
even in the darkness where I cannot see.
I shall complete the mandalas
that I once started
and go to the finish line
that I have already crafted.
I sigh again with a hopeful respire,
this is the time,
this is the beginning
of all my desires.