Saturday, March 29, 2008

Death Comes For Me

If death persists to take me home
what will I do before I go?
Shall I say goodbye to all the folks
and try to put on one last show?

I could list down all the things to do
and all the things I could give away.
But when I look at the mess I hoard
why did I ever keep them anyway?

Suddenly there seems so much to live for
and at the same time I've got nothing to die for.
How will it be and how will I live?
To know that I've not died miserably.

All the plans that will never be,
all the dreams that I'll never see.
The people I judge and the ones I hate
So few I love but now it's late.

But if I had known I'd die so soon
I would've tried to stretch the love.
But then again if I had known all along
Would I still procrastinate for what it's worth?

As I walk down the familiar road again
to see the grass so green by the side,
I never knew how to walk in the rain
and I'll never know how to see beyond sight.

I should've told myself everyday was my last
maybe I could get a little more time to think
of the right things to do and say and embrace
So I better go now before death haste.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

I ride the dismal train

I ride the dismal train
that goes up and down the city tracks
chugging to the song of enervated people,
coming home from a long day
with their frowns.
Where no one smiles,
and the noise they make
is the silence of their sighs.
Everyone's looking out
to the window and on the wall,
on the floor
or with their eyes closed,
so that they would not see
another person's glacé eyes
looking dazed,
looking vacuous.
I ride the dismal train
with those who want to avoid traffic,
those who can't afford to be a part of the traffic
and those who are traffic.
In the dry and intoxicating
human odor,
the stench of monotony
and the sadness of being strangers.
In the cold
and surreal world
that knows neither
dark or light,
day or night.
I ride the dismal train
as though it's a ghost train,
with apparitions and spirits
longing for something
but not knowing
what they want.
Passing through doorway
to doorway,
going in and out of the train
because that is all
they can do
as long as they board
the dismal train with its
melancholia
caught by indecision.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Don't Buy Pets

The idea of buying pets repels me. When I was younger I used to think it was amazing and wonderful if I could own all kinds of pets in the home. I love reptiles, amphibians, insects, the cuddly and the furry. But as I grew up watching documentaries of Jacques-Yves Cousteau, Sir David Attenborough, Jane Goodall, Dian Fossey and the michievous Jeff Corwin I began to dislike the idea of pet trading.

It is not only the sales of the pets that irks me but the way people buy them to fulfill a millisecond of entertainment. I've seen people discarding turtles at the lakes, ponds and rivers because they grew too large and inconvenient, people dumping pedigree and trophy dogs and cats because they have no time for them, hamsters, fishes, birds, snakes, lizards and all kinds of exotic wildlife wherever they could get rid of. It's so disheartening to see a roadkill because of this irresponsible behavior.

The animals not only go through a traumatic experience of being captured but also being shipped and forced into domestication in unfriendly and unsuitable environments. Most will perish but some will survive and reproduce.

Watching lovers presenting each other pets for valentine's day, parents buying for their wailing kids, lonely individuals getting them for companionship disgust me. If there was a way to lug a Galapagos tortoise or a manatee or a Komodo dragon into the house I'm sure someone would have already done it, and I won't be surprised.

The idea of pets originated from people who domesticated wild animals for food and labor but came to a stage of appropriating them for pleasure since they are adorable and so easily attached to us. The pet industry will always be in demand when people's lack of perception of what animal abuse is gives them an excuse to continue repeating this act. As it is there are already so many discarded animals on the street that needs a home but only very few people are out there trying to give them a decent life or what's left of it. So if you have the itch to go and buy a pet or two or three just remember this, what's going to happen to them when you get tired of them, when you don't have the time to care for them, when you move away?

Go pick up a stray if you have the means to love them and give them a proper home, otherwise just go to the SPCA, a petting zoo or a reliable pet owner's house to play with them for therapeutic exercises.

Friday, March 21, 2008

A Little Night Music

I hear a little night music
when my lover snores
when the fan echoes
when the distant neigbors murmur
to remind me
that we are all connected by
a flimsy thread of existence.
to be among friends,
to be among strangers
in the circle of life.
I hear a little night music
when the world turns
when the climate change
when the stars glow
in darkness and in light
in quiet and in babel
in wake and in sleep.
I hear a little night music
when my baby cries
when the cat purrs
when the dog whimpers
in their sleep
in their dream
in their innocence
I leave them kisses
I leave them embraces
I leave them smiles
for another day.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Angels, Snails & Coral Fishes

Angels are asexual. Snails are hermaphrodites. Coral fishes are transsexuals. Generally speaking of course, but imagine living in a world full of this outrageousness, it's practically unthinkable. These days gender issues are beginning to thin the line that separates them since the beginning of time. More and more media coverage and knowledge about them are being pursued and presented day by day. With the world spinning faster on the technological axis what used to be in the closets are out in the open, literally and metaphorically. No one escapes the eye of technology. Corruption, crime, locked-door policies are now being exposed in every possible way. One of the more interesting subjects of our time is the ability to become the person that we want to be without stirring too much froth from the milk. Gone are the days when we someone can say 'Act like a man!' or 'Behave like a woman!' because that would be sexist to say the very least. People these days, in most countries anyway, don't want to be told what they should be. It's the era of making choices of our own and standing on our two feet is what we can be proud of, whether we are wearing heels or flats.

Sanctioned gay marriages are catching on more rapidly than ever, and TV series and movies that portray one or more gay characters have become the norm. A pop transsexual girl band known as Venus Flytrap is making headlines and others like Tatu, Dana International, Boy George and k.d.lang have made enough waves to date. This is certainly the time of our lives with lifestyles, trends and technology all churning up faster than we can finish reading Future Shock by Alvin Toffler. Call it the human rights, constitutional rights, a spiritual awakening, spiritual quotient, etc. but people are becoming increasingly aware of their short existence on this blue planet and they want to get more out of it than to be institutionalized into lemmings. Men and women are discovering their femininity and masculinity from within and are now looking to be at peace with themselves. It's not a taboo to look physically like the opposite gender these days because what matters most is who we are inside. There are so many handsome girls and beautiful boys around one can hardly distinguish the other without a second glance.

With sexuality becoming more transparent and battle of the sexes seem old school, won't there come a time when we will fall in love with people regardless of what gender they may be? As it is there is already a term for it and it's known as pansexuality. People are redefining themselves not through physicality as much as they used to. Traditionalists may fear a great departure of the norm from humanity but if men and women are equal in all respects, wouldn't it be more efficacious if all barriers were to be non existent? If so, Mars and Venus will just be planets and the segregation of sexes will be a thing of the past. Even these days single parents can enjoy the birth of their child without the customary spouse to contribute to the consummation. One can literally adopt a child, get one surrogated or have an in vitro fertilization, and of course not forgetting the debatable genetic engineering and cloning. We can each have one that looks exactly like us in the not so distant future, may be with a little tweaking from the bad side.

Such are the times for mankind to regress or progress with changes that seem to be fast forwarding our lives. From the days of good old VCRs we are already approaching High Definition broadcasting, from Yatch cruising to Freedom Ship which is a floating city on the sea and Wright brothers to the anticipated suborbital flight at zero gravity by Virgin Galactic. The breakthrough news of technological discoveries is astounding beyond our imagination. Every fantasy and science fiction tales are turning into reality right before our very eyes. And yet, in this fantastic evolution we are heading towards, groupers, wrasses, parrotfish, damselfish, and gobies are still notorious sex changers which indulge in orgies.

It's little wonder why people like to be associated with angels or angelic physiognomy, party like coral fishes and may be someday be sexually self determining like the snails.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The Poorness Of Me

She went through a difficult divorce.
She is left to raise two kids who blames her for everything.
She leaves her job to begin a small business which failed.
She tries to make ends meet just to get by.
She makes one mistake after another.
She cannot cope with all the bills, summonses and dues.
She carries on day after day wondering what she could do to make it easier.
Her car is repossessed.
Her home is sold to the highest bidder.
She puts in a little time for others.
But she finds herself alone most of the time.
She reads self help books.
She dabbles in spirituality ideologies.
She believes she can pull through this diversion.
It's only a matter of time.
It's only another step away.

He smokes, eats and drinks to the maximum.
He gets his first heart attack that almost takes his life away.
Half his heart is damaged.
He stops his unhealthy habits.
He spends all his savings for his hospitalization and surgery.
He winds down to become old and frail.
He finds it difficult to go on working.
His heart fails a second time and he grips on for his life.
He spends more money to keep his heart beating.
He sits quietly at home thinking of ways to pay the access.
He gets letters from the lawyers.
He watches movie to pass his lonely days.
He wishes he could paint again.
He gets a third heart attack that should have killed him.
He now knows death is not yet ready for him.
He knows life is worth the struggle everyday.

He loved her with all his heart.
He loved her with all his mind.
He loved her with all his soul.
One day she left him.
He was devastated and broken.
He almost took his own life.
He didn't know what to do.
He didn't know where to go.
He cries all the time.
He wants to die but he knows he shouldn't.
He cuts himself to release the hurt.
He locks himself up in his room.
He drowns himself in the past.
He wishes for a better future.
He listens to the voice inside.
He walks out of the darkness to feel the sun again.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

My First Scripted Telemovie: Pencak Akhir

Translates more or less to : The final defence

A Convergence Of Light And Darkness

The magic is not all here
for it has gone away.
Days do not bring me light,
darkness remains throughout the night.
I can only stare at the standing trees
in the playground
of my innocence.
Watch the wind's tussle
through their foliages.
When you look at them
and not be able to touch them.
In the deepest recesses of your soul,
you don't know who you've become
and all the magic has disappeared.
What will you do when you lose yourself?
What will you do?

(written on April 23rd, 2001)

Monday, March 10, 2008

Guard Dog and Other Domesticated Pets

My friend was nipped by a guard dog just the other night after he spent some time petting it. It wasn't much of a wound or bite except for a nasty looking bruised flesh injury. The first thought that came to mind was for him to get a tetanus jab in case the dog was mad or carrying some fatal viral disease. But could an unhealthy guard dog be permitted to roam about in the midst of residents in a condo? I doubt that. Anyway we were all wondering why the ginormous German Shepherd that looks like a werewolf would allow him to stroke its fur and then scare everyone by snapping on his protruding paunch. We had several theories about it, but mainly we felt that the dog was not in an attack mode otherwise my friend would have had an instant liposuction free of charge. The conclusion that we came to was that it was not used to warmth and human affection so it reacted unpredictably, perhaps wanting more but the size of that dog could make any one pee in the pants by just looking at it.

So why do animals turn on their owners even after years of kinship? Here are some of the more popular stories I found about other people experiencing similar situations.

In October 3, 2003 Roy Horn or Siegfried and Roy was attacked by his white tiger named Montecore and dragged off the stage. They have been performing for over 30 years and has been entertaining people from all over the world in Las Vegas. Although he was badly injured and loss a lot of blood from the bite he didn't take the misfortune personally and blamed it on his white tiger he has been training for six years. He even announce that Montecore was only protecting him with her maternal instincts when he tripped and fell.

There were also cases where people are attacked by dolphins and a killer whale that can be seen on Hunter & Hunted: Dolphin Attack in the National Geographic Channel. Even cases of tamed and trained animals that roam about in our homes have a tendency to 'play' a little to rough at times.

Whether animals are meant to be trained or domesticated by humans is questionable even to this day. Do we have the right to take away their freedom, alter their environment and try to make them fit into our idea of entertainment when their natural instincts tell them otherwise?

Friday, March 7, 2008

Food That Drives One Insane?

I've been eating this stall's fried Tom Yam Spaghetti that is mysteriously linked to the restless night I experience after the meal. Although it's simply delicious, emm mm, I fear there is more to the piquancy than meets the taste buds. Could it be? I tested it on several occasions and they appear to be the same every time I devour it.

We are so well versed with the idea of intoxication from liquor, drugs, sex and rock and roll, but no one ever mentions food. I believe that there are food that can drive one mad or make one fall in love or even calm one down, just like how food are portrayed in movies: Like Water For Chocolate, Tampopo, Babette's Feast, Chocolat and many more.

Instead of chemical and biological warfare, perhaps the national defense and security could look into food warfare. Maybe that's how a country could be conquered in the future, keep the soldiers fat and addicted to food that'll kill 'em.

Monday, March 3, 2008

The Night My Heart Died

Last night we were all in deep sleep when a hair raising incident woke us all up. We heard a guy shouting at the top of his lungs to someone who was chasing him up the street. The only word I could make out was 'Nnooooo!!!" With a mind like mine I imagined a man being chased by a gang of thugs who are out to make make mince meat out of him, or an intoxicated man who has just commited a terrible crime in his home, or somebody's getting hurt for something he has done or not done.

The shriek was chilling to say the least. It was as though he stood right outside my window... I wanted to take a peek but the bed held me back. It was a traumatizing experience being woken up by a sudden clamor and this was not the first time. There was another time one of my neighbors shouted for help in another house I used to live in, the other was the volume of the TV someone left way up high when I switched it on, and another when someone sleeping beside me jerked his hand away when I was dreaming being stabbed me to death.

What awful times, though they make good research materials, those occurrences were but one thing I know is that although my heart has been subjected to these extreme jolts it is still beating as vigorously as it has ever been.