Wednesday, April 30, 2008

earth is my home

Why am i not allowed
to live anywhere on earth
when earth is my home?
Why do I have
to prove myself
that I belong to a country
when earth is what I have?
Why do I have to
be categorized,
locallize
and traditionalized
when what I really want
is to be free
to walk on the sands,
swim in the seas,
soar in the skies
and call anywhere
I go to
home?
I don't want to have
an apartment
or a condo
or a penthouse
to be cooped up in.
I don't want a bungalow
or a ranch
to keep my boundaries measured.
I want to travel lightly
and stay where my heart desires
eat what I can get
and love my ambience,
surroundings
and environment for what they are.
I don't want to cut down any trees
or kill any wildlife
or dominate anyone
to call this place my own.
I would rather amble on
to experience a rainstorm,
a hot desert sun,
the snow encrusted mountain,
and the deep ocean floor.
And I want to sleep
with the glorious stars above
and the natural ground below.
And I want to call this place home,
and share it with my fellow beings
because earth is all we have.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Where the heart goes

It's not where you are going
or what you are doing
that makes you
who you are.
It's where you are needed
in a time and place
that makes you
the person you are meant to be.
One day in the desert
another in the sea,
you'll never know because
life takes you on a journey
you asked for.
If you resist the nature
of your being,
you will hurt no one
but yourself.
You will disappoint no one
but yourself.
You will deny no one
but yourself.
And you will be stagnant
like the water caught in potholes,
waiting
for another day
for something to happen.
By the time you decide
to get out of it,
you would be too old,
not because you are,
but because you want to be.
Nothing is ever too late
but because of your
indecisions
you believe it with all your being.
And you will lose everything.
Your will, your love, your aspirations,
your dreams.
You sit there while
the cancer eats you up,
while you get mad
at everyone around you.
You sit there and you complain,
but you still sit
ranting,
panting,
wanting
but never ever
doing.

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Longest day and the longest journey

I begin a long day
when I talk too much.
To the family
with tittle tattles and whisperings,
to my colleagues with
ideas and proposals,
with friends about stories,
tales and legends.
Hardly,
do I have time
to be still.
To think,
to dream,
to imagine,
to will
them to come to me.
I begin my longest journey
when I go nowhere.
Like a search for nothing,
with the idea of something
but it is actually
another destination unknown.
And I get tired,
rundown,
exhausted,
disintegrated
from myself
when routines, rituals
and obligations
take over me.
For the longest time
I chase sleep
with my bare feet
running on cockle shells
and overcrowded pavements
to avoid
dreaming of sheep,
but I end up counting them
anyway.
In the shortest moment
I take a quick bite
and write a brief note
to remind me
I am doing
what I do best.

Friday, April 25, 2008

How To Enjoy Life? Be a tourist with the tourists


Haven't been to this place like a million years
and it's fantastic, beautiful and amazing.
One of the few places
that's a must go when in Malaysia.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Death In The Air

As I search through my quiet resonance
I hear a deafening murmur
of distant muffled sounds.
The sound of an empty space
which is filled with a dying dream.
Of sloth and routine.
I tried to walk out of it but it's everywhere.
There is no place I can go to without hearing it.
The skies are grey and sullen, like an old unforgiving man.
The light is almost gone, the dusk is forever long
and never changing.
Why has the wonderful moment gone hiatus?
To leave us nothing more
but the smell of death in the air.
Why does it seem that way
in places as bad as our hair?

Consideration

As we sit down to consider ourselves
the joy of being here,
the passion of wanting there.
Our existence becomes
the founding anchor of our lives
we shift on the hard edges of despair,
while easing on our hope
to be one day
in that chair.
As we sit down to consider ourselves,
we appreciate
the noise of our blood rushing
and the silence of our soft
smooth feeling.
We think of our skin color,
we walk in someone’s
customary shower.
Look at the sky
in a two toned dimension,
to learn what secrets the trees
hide in its naked fashion.
An adventure on the back of a winged creature,
your neighbor’s heart runs like a wild river.
Taste the bitterness that dries the throat,
but it's sweet like dreams sailing on a riverboat.
The sun baking on your ugly dress
the mist stick balloons in your hair.
In the blue skies you look at your life,
while the green grass circles
round your whirling eye.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Another Birthday Bash & A Night To Remember



This was the night we celebrated Hui Ching's birthday and watched the first screening of Pencak Akhir. What a great treat. Scrumptious food, wonderful friends, first scripted movie, what more could I ask for?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Soak them dirty feet and get eaten



Ever gone to a Fish Spa before? Well I did. So what is a Fish Spa you might ask. It's where you soak your feet in the pool and allow the fish to eat them off ... literally. Of course they are not piranhas or barracudas, they are just Garra Rufas. Or nibbling fishes that eat off all those dirty, filthy, disgusting whatchamacalit that stick, protrude or grow out of your stinking feet.

You wanna know how it feels? Well, if you are into tickling fetishes you would enjoy this tremendously. Does it work? It did for me. My cracked heels were rather smooth at the end of the feasting fiesta I might add.

I also thought this could be one of the bizarre romantic things to do with your lover because as soon as they start pecking there's so much to laugh about. And that's a double dose of therapy for you.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

It's The Little Things, It's The Little Things...

For the past two days and nights I have been hearing old nostalgic Chinese classic songs. Especially the melancholic, doleful and heartbreaking ones like those in the Taiwan movies back in the 70s where life was truly suffering from beginning to end.

Why do we have these feelings? Sometimes dreams? Where do they come from and why are we feeling them? Was it an impasse? Ghosts from the past? A connection with someone who felt the same? Some kind of awakening?

Maybe it's all of them. I've always believed in our ability to communicate telepathically and without physical presence. That's how it is with the many things that I've experienced in life.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

That Woman

I can't be that woman, she said.
I can't be that kind of woman
who sits there and take the blame.
I can't be waiting for my husband
hand and foot, day and night,
being cautious not to upset him
and hopes he loves me
because he is the only man who can.
I can't be that woman
who wears what he wants me to,
behaves how he thinks I should,
walks to where he permits
and talks only when it pleases him.
I am not like that.
The other women ask her
what is wrong with her,
why is she being difficult,
showing defiance
and disrespect,
making a mockery of what
womanhood is all about.
Before she could answer they turned away
and told her they will not listen
to a woman who is not like them,
submissive,
dutiful,
feminine
and obedient.
But I am not like that, she said.
Then no man will want you for his wife,
they replied.
You will be alone, without children,
without a man to care for you
and be there when you are in need
of company, of love, of protection.
But I can love a man without
those conditions
and I am sure he can do the same.
And if you force me to be that woman
I shall love the earth instead,
be in the company of nature,
give birth to the spirit of joy
and be in the care of the world,
she said that
and walked away.

Kids — It's Just They Way They Are

It’s just the way...
they straddle,
- upon the sidewalks we have paved.
It’s just the way...
they travel,
- into life’s most empty place

They walk away,
they sometimes run
- from their hearts that foster cold
They walk away,
from the distant sun
- and share it with a tired soul

Who are they?
we ask ourselves...
never wanting to hear a sound
What are they?
the Victims of Life...
and dare we say it with a frown

Who’s children
are they anyway?
Lurking through our violent trust
What kids
could actually live this way?
They’re but Angels in the Dust

It’s just the way...
that they would cry,
That they find themselves so unbelonged
It’s just the way...
that we would lie,
About the things that we’ve done wrong

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Animated As I Am or Cartoon Cartoon!

My boyfriend's as duh as Johnny Bravo,
my dog's as courageous as Courage, the cowardly dog.
My siblings run around like Cow & Chicken,
and my neighbors are very much like the Simpsons.
If I had known any better than to befriend a Dexter or a Didi
to girlfriends who dream like Powerpuff Girls.
I might actually consider marrying a guy like Samurai Jack
if I first don't runaway with some guy from Star Trek.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Optimism

Optimism is a funny thing,
you have it or you don't.
Where can you get it from? Nobody knows.
Some people have it naturally,
some people seek for it desperately.
Optimism can appear just as suddenly
as it will disappear.
You can't hold it down,
you can't set it free,
it gives you courage
and it builds your confidence.
It's unreasonable,
impractical and illogical.
It just is.
Whether it's justified
like blind faith,
or worshipped with ignorance,
optimism always has a way
out of trouble.
It does not self pity,
it does not calculate,
it does nothing but find solutions.
This optimism can put smiles
on everyone's faces,
it can also make things beautiful
by making us look up
instead of down.
Switches on the flickering light
when we live in the dark.
But it does not fill
stomachs and needs.
It just makes one
as happy to know
food and desire
is not all there is.
Optimism can be scary
and daring and utterly unimaginable,
but it gives without reservations
and provocations
for it has poetry,
it has song,
it has dance
and it has the one thing
to move us on.
Optimism is not everyone's cuppa
and many will settle for something less.
But if it catches up with you
it'll never let you go
and it'll haunt you
for the rest of your life
with hopefulness.

Should we Barbecue the Queue jumper?

A lady cut queue in front of me to pay at the counter of Borders the other day. I was disgusted by that inconsiderate act but I didn't do anything except said out loud "That's very rude!" for everyone to hear. My niece calls me a bitch for doing that but I found it quite satisfying ... in a bitchy kind of a way and my friend told me to take a chill pill, take heart and be still (to meditate more often).

I found the situation rather comical later because I'm the one who believes so much in the connection of life and existence, signs and non coincidental events, laws of attraction and nothing being random in everything that we do and I get worked up with this middle age woman who walked past us to the counter as though we were invisible.

On one hand I could ignore her and let it go and on the other I could exercise my rights and make it known to her that she cannot get away with it no matter how ignorant she may be.

That got me thinking about standing for what we believe in and turning away from the role we should be playing to make things right. But in my world, my mind at least, I don't like the idea of a pressured decision with the word 'should' used as an obligation or duty and on the other hand I know there are no right or wrong in a black and white sense either.

I used to think and teach everyone to speak out about their concerns whenever they feel that they have been mistreated. But now, when I see some people taking it a little too far I'm beginning to wonder where it should (used to indicate a desirable state) stop before too much damage is done.

A fine example of this circumstance is from the movie Qiu Ju da guan si (The Story Of Qui Ju) 1992 which I recommend very highly played by Gong Li and directed by Zhang Yimou. When we want a politician to step down do we also want him to suffer for his corrupted ways? When we want a murderer caught do we also want him to die as horribly as his victims? When we want a sex fiend caught do we want him castrated as well?

How far would we go before it is considered justice and how far would it be before it seems like vengeance? Just because we have rights does it mean someone else is wrong? I wonder...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Fearing Fear

Unable to rest a disillusioned head,
or close the eyes that still see light.
How does one lay down in feverish fate?
Or calm the upset stomach of such fright?