Thursday, November 27, 2008

When the World is Calling, it won't let you sleep

When life doesn't want me to sleep for whatever reasons it will stir a noisy neighbor to blast their music at a disturbing decibel just enough to provoke my sense of hearing so that I will feel the agitation long enough and gradually toss awake reluctantly in the middle of the night. If it wasn't an inconsiderate neighbor it would be the dog scratching the door begging to be let out to relief himself or the mosquitoes buzzing in my ears relentlessly. If this had happened when I used to have a nine to five job I would be infuriated and flustered with vengeance. I used to be afraid of insomnia because it is regarded as some chronic condition that needed remedy. But ever since I took to writing from home and having read and embraced the laws of attraction, synchronicity and collective subconscious, I realized this sudden wakefulness did not occur by chance. I learned from an octogenarian friend one night that she has lost her will to sleep but she doesn't know why she developed insomnia except for the fact that older people do. After some time of listening to her I gathered that one of the many reasons why she was invaded by sleeplessness was the idea of being alone. Now, when I wake up in the wee hours of the morning I think of her and keep her in mind with a telepathic connection.

Also, every once in a while I feel as though someone, somewhere is talking about me or thinking of me in some parts of the world. With numerous submissions of stories and scripts I send out for consideration, in the different time zones where editors browse through the works, at some point there is bound to be a connection. When the universe is at work and wants you to stay awake, you will be awoken no matter what the situation is. I have experienced instant wakefulness which has nothing to do with Prozac insomnia, sleep apnea, night terrors or bruxism. I just awaken. There are more things that we don't know than we think we may know about our bodies, minds, hearts and souls even when we are in tune with our surroundings.

Those days insomnia was like a disease or a curse to me when I was stirred up by stray and perturbing sounds but now if I can't get back to sleep I would ask myself if it was something more than just anxiety. Like now, a message was derived from my two a.m. agitation. Contentment kills. Or at least to me. That was the revelation I got after contemplating on why this happened to me. My next thought was to move out of this rented room by the middle of next year, since the lease was up anyway, and head for where I am suppose to be going. Secondly, I have not spent sufficient time with my writing although I have done quite a fair bit for this year. I know I can do better and even more. In my mind's eye I sorted out the things I needed to do when the sun rises in the morning but my passionate soul wouldn't let me procrastinate. With a slight headache, mosquitoes taking bites out of me and writing in the dark, my mind is so full of ideas and discernment I just had to write down what my heart is telling me.

As I sit uncomfortably in this warm and humid night at 3.38 in the morning I am preparing myself to take the journey that I fear most, out of my comfort zone and find what I have always been looking for. I know it will take me places and I know the human spirit it greater than any known technological advancements.

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