Monday, March 30, 2009

So this is Life

The first stop to my next stop
is going to come to a full stop
when I stop
The next step is my first step
into the realm of the unknown
where I shall
in the dark.
That's life to live just to exist
in the strange and bizarre twist
of fate or destiny of
in the sea of time.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

One more story and counting...

Yay, I got another short story to be out in April for the second issue of the First Edition Magazine call Viewfinder! This will be the second Inspector Dores Mystery to be in print and the forth short story published besides Sacrifice (An Inspector Dores Mystery), The Night it Rained Murder and Insane.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Milk is Susu, Running is Lari

For the past week I have been attending screenings which grounded me more on the truth about the world I live in and the stark corporeality of the situation that surrounds me. The first was organized by the PT Foundation and The Annexe Gallery for the screening of Milk under the Queer As Films for the concerns of the LGBT group. I thought it was just another one of the screenings like the ones I used to drop in on for the Kelab Seni Filem at Help Institute or what used to be Filmnet at the Stonor Center or even the Wednesday International Films at UM. But it wasn't. After the remarkable film with Sean Penn's outstanding performance we had Shannon Shah sharing with us the issues of the LGBT group in current times. His eloquent and mindful speech with consideration for everyone is informative and inspirational. Speaking with such optimism and wit he makes me feel like I want to go be a part of this wonderful metamorphosis that is to come.

Six days later on the 21st March on a Saturday I had another thought provoking afternoon watching Running. A documentary on the refugees' circumstance which is not pleasant or affirmative in any way. Directed by Mien Lor and produced by Suaram this is a straight-laced, non entertaining film that devoid a person of humanity and the sad part of it is the incomprehensible truth of how uncompassionate people can be even at this age and time of awareness. Mien gave us a brief moving account of her 'risky' adventure bringing this film to us and everyone who was there really appreciated her effort and Suaram's support. Some people realy make a difference.

These are the times to be awaken and to be counted. And as far as one can say 'it has nothing to do with me' sooner or later everything merges together, everything collides because everyone is connected one way or the other.

P/S By the way the Annexxe Gallery is a cool place to hangout if you've had enough with the mind-conditioning world outside.

Monday, March 16, 2009

When you're Angry with the World

When you're angry with the world
everything is wrong,
everyone's an idiot, a bastard or a bitch.
Life becomes meaningless
and death is always a welcomed visitor.
Your job sucks
your friends are hypocrites
and your family doesn't know who you are.
Your lover is more a burden
than pleasure
and you hate everything
that can be hated.
When you're angry with the world
no one can say otherwise.
You feel like shit every morning
and you drown yourself
with indulgences every night.
You'd like to kill someone
who gets in your way,
steal your parking space
or cut you in a queue.
You wish everyone would just disappear
and everyone deserves what's coming for me.
When you're angry with the world
you wish to get away,
you wish your life would see the sun
from the ghetto you dwell in.
You dream of beautiful things
and wonder why you don't have any of them.
You ask so many questions
but none get answered
and you go on making decisions
that make your life worse.
You pound at the doors of heaven
you claw at the gates of hell.
You scream and scream until you lose your voice
but the situation is left unchanged,
you're at the last rung of the ladder
you're hanging on by a thread...
But don't you know when you're angry with the world
you're actually angry with yourself.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


When I was younger religion taught me
to love my neighbors but hate my enemies.
But my neighbors were heathens
who spoke nothing but blasphemy.
It taught me about divine providence and worldly temptations
but wealth is a good thing to have in times of affliction.
And that it is alright to suffer for my faith
by becoming a martyr or fight like God's soldier.
It told me to segregate myself with unbelievers
and yet unite with God's children of every color and creed.
And I'd have to prepare for the end of times
but live everyday with optimism and good deeds.
That life is brief and full of tribulations
and living unhappily is a blessing.
That death is a joy to see the Kingdom of God
but suicide is an intolerable sin.
It taught me to live in poverty, obedience and chastity
to be the light, to be the salt;
I sometimes wonder about the leader's capacity
and why there is so much money in the vault.
I asked why God only have a Chosen few
they tell me to question not the Almighty's will.
I asked why the Book contradicts itself
they say I'm too human to understand it well.
How can we take an eye for an eye
when it says we're not to murder?
They say that's a question
only the wise can answer.
It taught me to love regardless
but most of the time it's reserved for members.
When I asked too many questions
they tell me faith does not inquire,
so I lay back in confusion
and dream about Utopia.
When I was younger religion taught me
to defend what is right and condemn the wrong,
but now that I'm older
the only thing I remember is the feeling of unbelong.

Friday, March 6, 2009

In Dreams We're Not

I had the strangest dream
that I was pure energy
and I disintegrated into the atmosphere.
I was still I
and yet,
I was everything and nothing.
I was my enemies,
I was my friends,
I was every leaf and dew,
I was every hair and skin.
I felt everything there was to feel,
and I felt nothing in my picturesque dream.
I was everybody's eyes
when I saw tears and pain and plight,
I was everybody's heart
when I felt joy and love and delight.
I felt one with man and woman
I felt young and old
I knew life as if on the sunlit snow
I knew death where the lights were low.
But in this dream
it was not a dream
it was vivid
it was lucid
and then I knew you
because you were me.
There was only one
and then there was everyone.
No barriers,
no intolerance,
no languages,
no thoughts.
Just us,
in dreams we're not.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


Before I fell into deep sleep I saw a fiery trumpet falling from the sky

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Flora, Fauna and the Faded Persona

We regret for not being kind to the animals
when they were abundant and flourishing in spectacular wonder,
says the businessman.
We miss the age-old trees and magnificent nature
when we drowned them in our dams and culture,
says the developer.
We had to bring back plants when we paved the city with concrete,
make highways and byways, build bridges and streets,
says the engineer.
We introduce natural ambiance for sounds and sights
and plaster buildings with fixtures and lights,
says the architect.
What am I? Just someone who records down thoughts and imagination
that means nothing really, that don't bring in any supplementation,
says I, the writer.
Who are they? Who paints the beauty of the universe. Who shoots pictures of the world.
Who sings the truth of existence. Who fights the freedom of expression.
Says them who are the underdogs of the government.
The day when the roots of the flora will penetrate,
the day when the breath of the fauna shall dictate,
the day when all go to waste in the company of disgrace,
shall be the day when regimes are nothing but a forgotten trace.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

The Night the Curtains Came Down on The Actor's Studio

It was one of the most beautiful nights at The Actor's Studio when we went to celebrate the Gala Farewell without any tickets (because I couldn't get any). I was standing beside Dato' Faridah Merican who told me not to worry and that she'll make space for all of us who were waiting eagerly to get in even if it meant sitting on the steps.

The previous week I had the great opportunity to see Wani Ardy with her lovely melodies, Blister with their hard rock blues and Ariff Akhir with his laid bad easy going frolic. The second half was succeeded with the only single member form Silent Scenery (who botched up the first two songs before he made good with the last), Edwin & Albert's mandarin influenced ballads and Azmyl Yunor's distinctive style with his loyal harmonica.

For the last performance tonight Dato' Faridah Merican and Joe Hasham opened the show with stories, quips and anecdotes from the past and then went on to introducing the first act Douglas Lim. I've only seen him in Kopitiam so I didn't know much about his stand up comic act but he surely made us cackle in our seats. It was followed by The Come Back Kings who gave us some dancing lessons and the Young KL Singers who ended the first half with 'What I Did for Love' from A Chorus Line.

Lee Swee Keong took to the stage with eerie sampler sounds and music as he enacted his dance movements with bizarre body contortions followed by Monti & Logi's hilarious impersonations of Chua Soi Lek and Samy Vellu. To me, the most wonderful treat was the Sutra Dancers with their outstanding classical Indian dance and finally to bring the curtains down Harith Iskandar told us stories about his love life ... in the most uproarious way.

And then, like all good things, they have to come to an end. Douglas and Harith sang their 'original' version of Seasons in the Sun that drew laughter and tears from everyone especially Faridah and Joe. When the rest of the ensemble and acts went up the stage to bid farewell to the founders and eight years of existence in BSC the standing ovation just continued with their applause. No one wanted to leave. Faridah and Joe were literally speechless on stage and if we had carried on we would have drowned BSC with our tears. Joe had to shoo us off before anyone started to move.

I remember watching Charlie's Aunty, The Fantastiks, Nunsense and a few others way back then and I am honored to be a part of it somehow. But I always believe with every door that closes another will open. With such a good thing going one can just never say goodbye.