Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Do you really want to change?

I often hear people talking about change and how it takes times for them to change personally. At first I agree that things do change in degrees in a constant and gradual manner, that we cannot rush what is not meant to be. So five years passed and the people who talked about the sluggish change didn't change much. So I hear the rant again that changes just don't come overnight and that its not easy and yada yada and on and on, so I thought okay, hey, yeah, it takes times. It was then ten years later that I see nothing much has changed and the years kept on adding and adding and I finally gave up the idea that some people just don't want to change for better or for worse.

So is it true that change needs time for it to occur and manifest itself? We talk about changes that are speeding up at this time but then again time doesn't really exist. I've seen smokers who literally stub out just like that, cold turkey, and never touched a cigarette since. I've seen attitudes swing from a bitter angst-laden individual who blossomed almost instantaneously after a pep talk. I've seen athletic bodies droop into fatty tissues in a matter of days. And I've seen hopeful aspirants turning blue the moment an unpleasant news hit them between the eyes. And of course we heard of Marie Antoinette who grayed her hair in twenty four hours prior to her sentence at the guillotine. So what gives? How is it even possible for someone to change psychologically, physically, emotionally and spiritually in a matter of moments and yet some take forever to even begin?

It's all excuses. Since time isn't real, change is an individual awakening. Some people just don't want to wake up.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Cold and Hot

I look out the window
to see who goes there.
I see someone having cold feet
and a very hot face.
All I could do is to watch
him eat his life away.
I thought I’d dig up a dollar or so
maybe it’ll help them get by
but I can’t be doing that all the time
because then, would I do it right?
So when I peer out the window
I see them without shoes
and without homes.
But what can I do? I ask.
They’re having such cold feet tonight
and hot faces to burn in their human heat.
Could I just take all of them in
and perhaps show them what life has to offer?
Or could I just sigh and look away
and think of nothing I can deliver.
So here I am, with all I can do.
All I can write about them
and hope that they’ll do what they must
for themselves, to themselves
to make it important, to make it real.

How can I bend back to feel what you feel?
Why should I shed my tears for you?
When you could climb out as easily as you got in?
I’m not going to use you
to ease my conscience.
For you are not even hope as hope can be
you are breaking every branch of the tree.
Tie yourselves to the roots of depression
lay there and blame my decision.
But you have made rare yourself,
you have kept your music untuned,
you have kept your song unsung,
you have kept your words unheard,
you have kept your poems unrhymed.
So what can I do like what I do best?
I write about your sadness
about your uneasiness.
I ask what I can do for you
and I ask what you can do for yourself.
If I break my heart for you
to feel your cold feet
would your face still feel as hot
as your raging body heat?
If I break my back for you
to help you off the ground,
would you stand on your cold feet
and touch me with your eager heat?
Or would I just be fooling myself
as I write these words for you?
Am I trying to play God
and try to be an angel too?
For thinking of you only in words,
maybe I’ll sing it, maybe I won’t
maybe if you could just help me
by making yourself what you want to be.

Don't You?

How can you get tired of looking at clouds
or gazing at stars?

How can you not admire an animal
for all it's meekness and ferocity?

How can you not love earth
for all the beauty that she is?

How can you not adore the flowers,
the trees, the lovely breeze?

How can you not like the mesmerizing sun
and the romantic moon?

How can you ignore the wonders,
the mysteries, the fascination of life?

But you do love something don't you?
You do admire what you've got that's keeping you alive don't you?
You are in awe of something great and wonderful aren't you?
But if you aren't and if you don't ... what do you do to enjoy life?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Just because...

Just because you don't fit in the system
does it mean you're no good?
Just because you don't keep to the law
does it mean you're a criminal?
Just because you don't believe in a religion
does it mean there's no heaven for you?
Just because you don't practice a culture or tradition
does it mean you don't belong?
Just because you don't act your age
does it mean you're not all there?
Just because you don't repeat a set of rituals
does it mean you're not normal?
Or does it simply mean you're not
conditioned by someone else's ideals,
bought into the words of fear
and sold by imageries of delusion?

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Lament a Family Capsized

I only want my sons and daughters
to be good citizens of the world.
I want them to score As
in everything they do.
Anything creative can always
be learnt after they retire.
The most important thing
for them now
is to learn how to make money,
and more money
so that they'll have gargantuan bungalows,
prestigious cars and an abundance of wealth
so that they can shop, eat and travel with ease.
They will have noble positions
that will pay off
and rub shoulders with the rich and famous.
They will believe in the system,
they will believe in the same god like I do,
they will honor me,
they will respect me,
they will listen to me,
they will obey me.
I am the parent,
I am the life-giver,
I am the savior,
I am greater than the sun and rain,
I am the voice,
the hand that rocks the cradle.
But...
the sons and daughters rebel,
the sons and daughters runaway,
the sons and daughters kill themselves,
the sons and daughters sedate themselves with drugs,
the sons and daughters leave home and never want to go back,
the sons and daughters screw up their lives
with broken homes,
broken marriages,
broken relationships,
broken souls
and then the parents ask:
'Why do you do this to us when we gave you everything
you ever needed to be the best.'
And the the sons and daughters reply,
'All I wanted was
to love myself for who I am but
you said it wasn't important.
All I wanted was to dream my dreams
but you said it was frivolous.
All I wanted was to spend time as a family
but you were too busy making the house
bigger all the time which never
became a home.
All I wanted was a hug
not clothes or shoes,
not gadgets or credit cards,
not false pretenses and fake friends.
But you told me they were important
to make me you.'

It's Your Life Anyway

When you feel it all coming down on you,
you can't help but lose.
Hoping against hopes and wishing like a fool
and dying in the arms of madness that has no rules.
Is this just another wake for the dead?
Is this just other people's fate?
You go on wishing and that's all you can do
and what's left is the side of the story you'll never get through.
Give it up and tear it down from the walls of tomorrow,
spread it out and walk about with your head down in sorrow.
What's another day break, what's another night?
To live in a world so full of fright.
Don't look at us now, don't look at me
there is nothing for you to do here but to accept what's due
you can't make this mistake one more time
you don't want to get into something without rhyme
to hell with matters and all it's worth
you are going nowhere cos' you're still here on earth
dare me to believe in faith and destiny
and i'll come crawling back to life's eternal purgatory
let it go, i tell you let it flow
don't tell anyone says i told you so
it'll come for you when it comes to gather them
you can't run you can't hide out in the cold
do what you must but be aware
you'll grow old when no one's there
get a grip of yourself take you time
but if you take too long you'll lose your mind
so you don't know anymore
and you can't go home
you get hell of a lot
without their ridiculous plot
spare yourself now and go away
you don't want to see your weakness of the day
you're tired of talking you want to sleep
switch of the lights when you go, not a sound, not a peep

Thursday, April 9, 2009

My Father, the Ironman

My father's stapled stomach after his surgery to remove two tumors in his large intestine. Before this he had a surgery to insert titanium plates for his fractured spine and before that he had a mild stroke and before that he had his heart attack. He is an ironman one way or the other.

At this point it is diagnosed that he is in the third stage of cancer and has some infected lymph nodes which might need chemotherapy. We are still awaiting the oncologist to make a final decision to the next treatment *** sigh *** I hope my father still has the fight in him to be around a while longer...

What Kind of a Sheep are You?

Are you one of those that graze
from dawn to dusk to feed
and feed and feed?
Are you one of those that goes astray
and end up being lost forever
or to be found again and again?
Are you one of those that stick
with the flock wherever they go
so you'll be safe in numbers?
Are you one of those with a sole purpose
of providing your wool,
your milk, your meat?
Are you one of those that lives
in a beautiful country
and not know what to do with it?
Are you one of those that bleats
just to make up the noise
of being who you are?
Are you one of those that stands
with the crowd and wished
there was more than just this?
If you are not a sheep
then why are you grazing
with the rest, scampering at every sound,
giving all you can
to follow a set routine
that tells you that you are?