Friday, June 26, 2009

In Memory of the Beautiful People

December 8, 1936 – June 3, 2009

August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

February 2, 1947 — June 25, 2009

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

You Have to Believe

You have to believe
that it'll get better, it'll get good.

You have to believe
that the people who harm you will get gone,
the society that mocks you will disperse,
the authorities that hurt you will stumble
and the nation that exiles you will crumble.

You have to believe
that the fears you inherit will be washed away,
the anger that you are conditioned with will disintegrate,
the turmoil you feel within will disappear
and the madness in your life will finally clear.

You have to believe
that you are not alone in this cold and distant world,
you are not alone when you feel like a solitary soul,
you are not alone when you journey into the unknown
and you are not alone even if you find yourself without a home.

You have to believe
that you are just as good as everybody else,
you are just as equal in body, heart and soul,
you are abundance itself from the life you choose to live,
and you are joy, you are hope, you are a gift.

But if you choose not to believe
that things can get better, get good,
that is the decision you have made,
not your destiny, your kismet or your fate.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Cuckoo Birds & things absurd

This is the first time I am watching Jo Kukathas perform life on stage and she is absolutely marvelous. From an overly dramatic paranoid Julie to a typical Chinese accented mam she plays the roles with ease as she slips into the many shoes she wear.

Cuckoo Birds is a mish mash of everything rolled into one. It's an anthology of issues that range from homosexuality to physical abuse, human rights discrimination, religion, crime, Pulau Ketam dogs, maids and many many more that will tickle you, traumatize you and tear you up with emotional distress.

The rest of the cast are Anne James, Elaine Pedley and Mohd Fared Jainal who perform just as beautifully with the many hats they wear. It is directed by Natalie Hennedige. One of the most brilliant points in this play is the stage design which is a platform with doors for the actors to pop in and out of as they dress, undress, appear, disappear and transform from one charcater to another.

It's not exactly a feel good play because when I left the Annexe I had quite unsettling thoughts about the issues that have yet to be resolved in real life. But when I think about the absurdity in some parts it made me laugh like a silly woman with feathers in her head.

Oh how we allow them to

Oh how we allow them

Oh how we allow them to
treat us like slaves,
treat us like the low lives,
treat us like punching bags,
treat us like nobodies
because we believe that's the way it goes.

Oh how we allow them to
dictate us like robots,
dictate us like we're retarded,
dictate us like we have no sense,
dictate us like fools
because we believe we're only as good as they say so.

Oh how we allow them to
make us listen to their crap,
make us listen to their empty promises,
make us listen to their contradicting lies,
make us listen to what they preach
because we believe them to be messengers from God.

Oh how we allow them to
sacrifice our lives,
murder our families,
kill our friends,
take away our souls
because we give them the freewill to hurt us.

How long more must we trudge on the grounds of sorrow?
How long more do we want to dig our graves?
Our generations died yesterday, is dying today and will die tomorrow
all because of the blindness we mistake for faith.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Would you do it for Love?

If you know that you will not get paid
for the wonderful book you wrote,
the emotional piece of song you composed,
the astounding art you painted,
the magnificent device you invented,
the brilliant movie you made,
the incredible drama or dance you performed,
but it will inspire people from all over the world,
it will move them to tears and bring them joy,
it will change lives and give hope
because of what you created.
Would you still write it, compose it, paint it,
invent it, make it, perform it
because you have the gift?
Or would you rather wait until one day
when someone agrees to reward you?

Curse of the Nail

Yay! It's out!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Today could have been my last

I thought today was going to be the last. Or at least I hoped it was.

My major, super palpitation came back about nine plus in the morning. They usually go away in a matter of minutes but not this time. I haven't had this for a very long time and now it's come back in full force.

This time I couldn't even get out of bed. Every time I did I would feel like blacking out. And I couldn't pull the tricks I used to like lowering my head from the rest of the body, taking deep breaths or contort my body so that my heartbeat would return to normal. There were a few false alarms when the heart rate slowed down but it came back up again.

I tried to reiki myself, use my mind power to heal my body and even looked up to the heavens to invoke God for assistance but nothing happened.

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason but I still don't know why this is happening to me. I could think of a few theories from evolution to my overly sensitive connection with some people, signs to remind me something I still have got pass yet and even I thought it was time.

When my heart races like a runaway train on a rickety track I would prefer to give up my ghost to go to the white light. The back of my head hurts, my body is drained from all energy and I don't like the idea of being bed-ridden. I was thinking quite a lot of a dead friend recently and I was waiting to see him today. I lost him when he was only fourteen.

It was so bad I wanted to have an NDE (near death experience) if I had a choice but that didn't come either. I just laid in bed wondering about how much fear and hate I have accumulated over the years. I know how those two can manifest themselves into all kinds of sicknesses and diseases but I still nurture them once in a while. Some people just don't learn do they? But here I am still surviving.

At about eleven plus, after I forced myself to go to the bathroom for a short call I went back to lie down to analyze this incident. Just then as I lay on my left side of the body I felt my heart move back into place, as though it was dislodged previously, and it clicked back with a steady heartbeat just like that.

So many things came to my mind and one of them was to prepare a farewell letter or poem in case I just slipped through this existence too quietly. I am ready for the next life but for now I guess I am still needed here for something. I'm just too eager to see my friend again whom I miss a great deal but I know he's always there watching over me until I go back home again.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Come and Get it

I love the mornings
When the sun comes up
The leaves are gold and green
I feel like I could dance and sing.

I let life take the lead,
It says, come and get it, come and get it, come and get it

I go to the kitchen
To make myself a dream,
I take a shower
To wash away the sorry things

I start my work on words
To string them like hopeful beads
Sometimes I make them fly like birds
Sometimes I make them candy treats.

I let life take the lead,
It says, come and get it, come and get it, come and get it

With my aching head
And my loss of sense of smell
I simplify my life instead
And fine tune everything else,
Because life tells me to come and get it
And that indeed I shall.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Days Go By

I can only imagine the worse when I am all out of breath,
And I can only see the beauty of life when I am close to death.
How we never appreciate what is always there and around
until the day when all is gone, whether they have been lost or found.
Like the wild flower growing out of the broken wall,
or the birds that fly back to roost when the sun goes down.
Or the man who held you on the days of tears you could not recall,
and the woman who cradled you in your melancholy frown.
Days go by like the forgotten blink of an eye,
the years roll on in our diminishing drive.
Before everything fades away into complete darkness
let's not forget what we have here now are absolutely fabulous.