For two nights in a row I didn't sleep well. It was as though I didn't sleep at all. My mind was running with images and my entire being was shaking with fear. Every sound I heard was amplified, from a cry in the night, a passing vehicle, clangings and bangings from a distance and an entire range of auditory spectacular. My mom told me she had been experiencing this phenomenon as well of late.
I woke up and did a little bit of sketching, a little bit of writing and 40 winks in between. As I try to analyze this I remembered on both nights I had excessive doses of caffeine in the form of tea and then coffee. Just a few years ago nothing like this could keep me awake but these days I am no longer immune to them.
Change, as we all know, is inevitable. Everything evolves or disintegrates, if you like. I am also finding processed food a little disagreeable with me day by day. I am beginning to see things from different perspectives and shrugging off the idea of conformity. I may pack up my bags and go live in the highlands soon
And on top of that I have never been so sickly until recently when I came down with the flu. It started with the sneezes and then went on to body aches, sore throat, headaches and the ultimate lost of my voice. I use to get a 2-3 day attack but this time it went on for a week. With the scare of the H1N1 I would have jumped into this conclusion had I not been a writer of horror stories.
At the lowest level of my vulnerability I keep wondering about this life that we lead. Why must we be approved by the government, our employers, parents, friends and even strangers? Why is it so hard for people to live in harmony, doing what they do best and not judging others, wasting an entire lifetime squabbling, nitpicking and making it bad for everyone?
The bad news everyday is making me sicker and I wonder if I even want to wake up another day to this idiocy we live in.