Monday, February 27, 2012

Look Ma, they banned this book!

Anyone selling or distributing this book
will be fined RM20 000 or jailed for three years.
"So Ma, where do we really come from?"

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Quote of the Day

When you think only of yourself all the time
you will get bored, lonely and disgusted
with the world pretty quick

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

What I Learned Today: The mom of a 'princess boy' speaks out

"It's not contagious, he's just like any other kid. He plays checkers, he plays in the trees. He just likes to do it in a dress -- big deal."

At any point has the response you received caused you or your husband to second-guess your decision to support Dyson's preferences?
No.  As Dean puts it - we can’t lose.   If we support him now and he changes his mind and stops dressing up later, he can look back and say I can’t believe I did that, but I am so glad my parents and brother loved me and supported me.  Or if he continues, he can say I am so glad my parents and brother loved me and supported me even when I was young.  Either way, we love and support Dyson.  It’s a win-win.  

Sunday, February 19, 2012

A letter from your spirit

I want the best for you.
I want to see you through life
and be everything that you've ever wanted.
I want to be your path, your candle, your friend
who can show you the way
while keeping you company.
I want you to experience
the bitterness and sweetness
that will break you and make you
and I want to be there
to let you know
that it's okay.
That in the end
nothing really matters
but your own personal journey.
I want you to know that fighting
for truth is better than
fighting for no reason at all.
I want you to appreciate
the stars in the night,
the clouds in the day,
and feel the breeze in your hair,
raindrops on your skin
and sunshine in your eyes.
I want you to listen
to the sounds of nature
and know that this is the kind of comfort
and peace you'll need
in times of trouble,
in times of restlessness,
in times of duress.
But then,
these are what I want for you.
But if you choose not to want them
I can only wait
and hope
that one day you'll hear
my voice.
That little voice that tells you
I am here,
I will always be here for you,
for I am the spirit
that will shelter you
from the storm,
carry you through pains and agonies,
and lift you from lies and deceits.
I am the spirit
in you that can make anything possible
and make dreams come true
if you would just believe in me.
If you would just
feel me.
If you would just close your eyes
and see me for who
I really am.

Thank You

Sometimes we thank people only once
on an occasion, in a situation,
in an event or during an inspiring gathering.
But when you think back about the effect it had on you
you will know that once is never enough.
When you have tasted the bitterness and the sweet,
the downward turn and the upswing lift,
you will understand that
a small act of kindness
can lead to quite unexpected greatness.
Be it a word,
a hug,
a shoulder,
a silent company,
a smile,
a handshake,
a whisper,
or an insignificant sharing,
it would have done something to you and for you.
It might have given you hope,
it might have given you joy,
it might have given you peace,
it might have given you comfort,
it might have given you enlightenment,
it might have given you love
or everything of the above.
To all these persons
I thank you for that moment.
I am here because of many reasons
and one of them is you.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Coupling: Shelter

This is an improved version to the coupling series I painted earlier. With the convoluting, contorting, entanglement of life - it is always nice to share the comfort with someone else.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

It's Time to Say Sorry

It's time to say sorry
to an LGBT person you have
embarrassed, tortured or hurt
for they have done nothing
to deserve your ignorance.

It's time to say sorry
to the animals you treated like toys,
that you hit or slapped or kicked
just because they don't retaliate
to the commands you cruelly instigate.

It's time to say sorry
to the people you gossiped about
with vicious lies and rumors and slanders
and destroyed their reputation
merely for your own selfish satisfaction.

It's time to say sorry
to the person who cared for you
but always getting the brunt
of your anger and frustration
that shouldn't have been their concern.

It's time to say sorry
to the strangers you brush off
because they are beneath you.
The ones you forget are just as equal,
the ones you refuse to stand on the same level.

It's time to say sorry
to the people you have ostracized
because they are of no worth to you,
your culture, your tradition and your faith
and for that you made them grief.

But if you refuse to say sorry
and think that are right by your own principles and values
and you will be rewarded for your righteousness
as long as you live in your guarded cowardliness
beware of your own cannibalistic darkness.

Saying sorry comes from the heart anyway
not a word that falls out of fear or insincereity,
especially when you feel good about yourself
and when you have transcended beyond humanity.
I guess that's the person not everyone can be.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Volatile Day

You don't need a gift
You don't need a lover
You don't need to impress anyone
not even yourself
if you are alone on this day
or any other days.
You are loved
by someone,
Sometimes you don't see it
sometimes you don't know it
but love comes to you
when you least expect it.
From someone
you might have forgotten,
from someone whom you ignored,
or from someone who will soon
cross your path.
Love because you can,
not because you have to.
Happy volatile day.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

What I Learned Today

I know there's the Stockholm Syndrome from movies:
- a paradoxical psychological phenomenon where a victim develop empathy or feelings for their captors. Named after the bank robbery in Stockholm where the hostages became emotionally attached to their captors.

Now there's something in reverse effect call the Lima Syndrome:
- where abductors develop sympathy for their hostages, which was named after an incident in Lima of course and all the hostages were set free.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Quote of the Day

When you are lonely
you will only hear the quiet whispers
of disoriented monologues
in your head

When you are alone
you will hear answers
to the questions
you have been asking for

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Getting to Know Us, Getting to Know all about Us

Most of us don't know who we are.

We don't know what we want. We don't know where we are heading. And we don't know why we get up in the morning to repeat the same old routine every day.

You must have heard about the inner journey from one source or another but still don't know what it has got to do with life itself. What's the big deal about traveling within? And why do we have to do that? Why? Well because Cher tells us that sooner or later 'We all sleep alone' and Gilbert O'Sullivan is 'Alone again, naturally' and Heart likes to be 'Alone'. I mean can you even look at the mirror and tell that person looking back at you if you like her/him?

Asking ourselves personal questions can be quite a confrontation. Do we really want to know why we are so temperamental? Losing our heads at the snap of a finger? Or why we drink so much it's a sure-fire onset for future health problems? Or that we are promiscuous and reckless, angry all the time and drug-laden, spending beyond our means and so so lonely? Do we dare ask ourselves what is making us so damn useless that is making us so ugly?

I guess if we truly want answers we have to ask the right questions and not dwell or justify on those that need no answers like: Don't you think I'm gorgeous? Am I not kind when I give so much love and get nothing back? Why do people hate me so much?

Though the truth is hard to swallow, even if it reveals some dark secrets of our past or expose our weakest attribute, it can be cathartic and empowering just as well. Though knowing too much can be intimidating to our small mindedness at the beginning, once we understand what it is that make us tick, we can take control of our lives and focus on our true vision that will lead us out of this entanglement.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Only Following Orders

When I was a kid
I did what my my dad told me
and took the job of a man,
and stayed within the confines
of the enslaved damned.
But where did it go wrong?
I was only following orders,
Why do I still feel lacking as a man?

When I was a wife
I did what my mother told me
I let my husband treat me
the way a woman should be treated.
But I'm bruised and black and struck.
Where did it go wrong?
I was only following orders
Is this just my unfortunate luck?

When I was a young soldier
my country sent me to the killing fields
where I was wounded and maimed,
and I came home without arms and legs
and a heart and a mind.
Where did it go wrong?
I was only following orders
Why is the world so unkind?

When I was a girl coming of age
everything tells me I should look pretty,
otherwise no one will like me.
I avoided looking plain and dull
trying to outdo the others with my style.
Where did it go wrong?
I was only following orders
Why am I still lonely all this while?

When I was a spiritual guru
ascending beyond the material and immaterial
I saw the light God shone
I was blessed with the hope of love
and given answers for I believed.
Where did it go wrong?
I was only following orders
Why do I feel like I've not lived?

When I finally woke up
from the dream and nightmare
of who I wasn't,
I began to understand
it was all unrhymed nonsense.
Now it's no more wrong
because I didn't follow any orders
and the most beautiful thing is my own presence.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Sad Songs & Tragic Movies

I've always wondered why I love sad songs and tragic movies. But now I do. When I was a child I was emotionally, mentally and physically abused into submission from all sources and my only escape was to cry with the sad songs and tragic movies. They did help me get by after a good cry. The only part of me that no one could touch was spiritually. I knew I was with god, the supreme being, aliens or something greater than I was in the stars and sky. The mountains were my solidarity and they spoke to me always. The trees stood by me and sheltered me from harm.

When I grew up I met guys who were unsure about a lot of things and one of them was me. They could never decide if I was a better part of the lives or the worse. Naive as I was I allowed them to string me like a bait they put out to fish until they catch something better. But I became wiser and stopped that from happening again.

And then I went my own way and had a great life away from people who brought me down. But then fate won't leave me alone and sent me back for reunions and it started all over again. But with new experience I managed to keep it all at bay.  And then by some strange force of nature I met another guy with whom I shared a great and tragic life. I was emotionally and mentally drained once again and I tried to find a way out. Each time I was in the clear he came back like a recurring nightmare. But naive as I was again I thought things would get better. I was the ever so optimistic person that I was.

We stayed through thick and thin and ventured come hell or high water. We loved each other without commitments and restraints. We did everything we could to survive and made it through. And then he left again, this time taking the largest piece of me with him. And I went back to sad songs and tragic movies especially when he told me he fell in love with someone else.

As the songs of sorrows seep into my head my mind run with random thoughts and questions that any rejected person would think of. Ever since I was a kid I had all these songs compiled and movies recorded but I didn't realize it was for today. For the time when I am older and wiser and thought nothing would ever hurt me again. But they still do. So I listen and I watch and I cry and I cry. I feel like a thousand pieces but I know they can't touch me spiritually because I still believe. I'm still optimistic that things will get better. So good that one day I won't have a need for the sad songs and tragic movies anymore.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012


and then it slowly dies.
the heart,
the body,
the mind.
it all comes to nothing
but an emptiness
that is
soundless yet maddening,
calm yet turbulent,
relieving yet damaging.
these are the emotions
that cut you
when you
hang on too tightly
to something
that never was.
that never will be.
that never is.
and death
is the only way
to transcend.

The Irony of the New Technology

I have phone numbers everywhere,
on my iPhone, smartphone, iPad, internet
but I can't remember a single one for the life of me.
I have many friends whom I have never met
in forums, chat rooms, Facebook and twitter
but I don't seem to have time to meet anyone in person.
I can sync with almost everything
from the TV programs, my laptop and accessories
but I am just as disorganized outside virtual reality.
Everything can be so quick within my grasp
my fingers do all the walking and talking and sharing
but my response to everything else is slower than my thinking.
I can travel anywhere, learn anything and retrieve whatever
but I sit on my ass the whole day in a dark room
and all I get are dry eyes, back ache and unusual pains.
I learn so much from the internet
from cooking to surviving to sky diving
but I wonder if I'll ever apply any of them for real.
The new technology saves me so much of time
but I find 24 hours a little too short
for my surfing, gaming, blogging and downloading.
The washing machine does my laundry,
the refrigerator stores all my junk,
the microwave cooks my meals
and I'm all set to change the world.
My banking's on the internet
I pay my bills the same way too,
Since I work from home all by myself
I sometimes ask, 'Is this all and nothing else?'
A life of leisure surely this must be
but my body's crying out to set it free
I even found love over the seas and across the shore,
but we're too afraid to meet in case the other one's a bore.