Thursday, February 2, 2012

Sad Songs & Tragic Movies

I've always wondered why I love sad songs and tragic movies. But now I do. When I was a child I was emotionally, mentally and physically abused into submission from all sources and my only escape was to cry with the sad songs and tragic movies. They did help me get by after a good cry. The only part of me that no one could touch was spiritually. I knew I was with god, the supreme being, aliens or something greater than I was in the stars and sky. The mountains were my solidarity and they spoke to me always. The trees stood by me and sheltered me from harm.

When I grew up I met guys who were unsure about a lot of things and one of them was me. They could never decide if I was a better part of the lives or the worse. Naive as I was I allowed them to string me like a bait they put out to fish until they catch something better. But I became wiser and stopped that from happening again.

And then I went my own way and had a great life away from people who brought me down. But then fate won't leave me alone and sent me back for reunions and it started all over again. But with new experience I managed to keep it all at bay.  And then by some strange force of nature I met another guy with whom I shared a great and tragic life. I was emotionally and mentally drained once again and I tried to find a way out. Each time I was in the clear he came back like a recurring nightmare. But naive as I was again I thought things would get better. I was the ever so optimistic person that I was.

We stayed through thick and thin and ventured come hell or high water. We loved each other without commitments and restraints. We did everything we could to survive and made it through. And then he left again, this time taking the largest piece of me with him. And I went back to sad songs and tragic movies especially when he told me he fell in love with someone else.

As the songs of sorrows seep into my head my mind run with random thoughts and questions that any rejected person would think of. Ever since I was a kid I had all these songs compiled and movies recorded but I didn't realize it was for today. For the time when I am older and wiser and thought nothing would ever hurt me again. But they still do. So I listen and I watch and I cry and I cry. I feel like a thousand pieces but I know they can't touch me spiritually because I still believe. I'm still optimistic that things will get better. So good that one day I won't have a need for the sad songs and tragic movies anymore.

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