Of loves & lives

Sad Songs & Tragic Movies

2012-02-02T15:54:00.000+08:00

I've always wondered why I love sad songs and tragic movies. But now I do. When I was a child I was emotionally, mentally and physically abused into submission from all sources and my only escape was to cry with the sad songs and tragic movies. They did help me get by after a good cry. The only part of me that no one could touch was spiritually. I knew I was with god, the supreme being, aliens or something greater than I was in the stars and sky. The mountains were my solidarity and they spoke to me always. The trees stood by me and sheltered me from harm.

When I grew up I met guys who were unsure about a lot of things and one of them was me. They could never decide if I was a better part of the lives or the worse. Naive as I was I allowed them to string me like a bait they put out to fish until they catch something better. But I became wiser and stopped that from happening again.

And then I went my own way and had a great life away from people who brought me down. But then fate won't leave me alone and sent me back for reunions and it started all over again. But with new experience I managed to keep it all at bay. And then by some strange force of nature I met another guy with whom I shared a great and tragic life. I was emotionally and mentally drained once again and I tried to find a way out. Each time I was in the clear he came back like a recurring nightmare. But naive as I was again I thought things would get better. I was the ever so optimistic person that I was.

We stayed through thick and thin and ventured come hell or high water. We loved each other without commitments and restraints. We did everything we could to survive and made it through. And then he left again, this time taking the largest piece of me with him. And I went back to sad songs and tragic movies especially when he told me he fell in love with someone else.

As the songs of sorrows seep into my head my mind run with random thoughts and questions that any rejected person would think of. Ever since I was a kid I had all these songs compiled and movies recorded but I didn't realize it was for today. For the time when I am older and wiser and thought nothing would ever hurt me again. But they still do. So I listen and I watch and I cry and I cry. I feel like a thousand pieces but I know they can't touch me spiritually because I still believe. I'm still optimistic that things will get better. So good that one day I won't have a need for the sad songs and tragic movies anymore.

Transcendence

2012-02-01T20:33:00.002+08:00

and then it slowly dies.
the heart,
the body,
the mind.
it all comes to nothing
but an emptiness
that is
soundless yet maddening,
calm yet turbulent,
relieving yet damaging.
these are the emotions
that cut you
when you
hang on too tightly
to something
that never was.
that never will be.
that never is.
and death
is the only way
to transcend.

The Irony of the New Technology

2012-02-01T10:04:00.000+08:00

I have phone numbers everywhere,
on my iPhone, smartphone, iPad, internet
but I can't remember a single one for the life of me.
I have many friends whom I have never met
in forums, chat rooms, Facebook and twitter
but I don't seem to have time to meet anyone in person.
I can sync with almost everything
from the TV programs, my laptop and accessories
but I am just as disorganized outside virtual reality.
Everything can be so quick within my grasp
my fingers do all the walking and talking and sharing
but my response to everything else is slower than my thinking.
I can travel anywhere, learn anything and retrieve whatever
but I sit on my ass the whole day in a dark room
and all I get are dry eyes, back ache and unusual pains.
I learn so much from the internet
from cooking to surviving to sky diving
but I wonder if I'll ever apply any of them for real.
The new technology saves me so much of time
but I find 24 hours a little too short
for my surfing, gaming, blogging and downloading.
The washing machine does my laundry,
the refrigerator stores all my junk,
the microwave cooks my meals
and I'm all set to change the world.
My banking's on the internet
I pay my bills the same way too,
Since I work from home all by myself
I sometimes ask, 'Is this all and nothing else?'
A life of leisure surely this must be
but my body's crying out to set it free
I even found love over the seas and across the shore,
but we're too afraid to meet in case the other one's a bore.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-30T09:51:00.002+08:00

Making yourself look busy

won't justify anything.

The only person you'll fool

is yourself.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-29T17:58:00.000+08:00

When you don't love yourself

you will destroy everything in your path,

include what you are,

who you are

and why you are.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

Tolerance

is when you're holding a weapon

behind your back

until you lose your patience

Let me Dream Alone

2012-01-27T17:18:00.000+08:00

Let me dream alone,
let me sit at my corner
and dwell on my life
and let me dream alone.
Let me imagine the worst,
let me imagine the best,
give me some nightmares,
just let me dream alone.
Let me be by myself
to escape into my world.
Let me flutter my eyes
and let me dream alone.
Don't ask me too many questions,
don't take me with you,
let me,
just let me dream alone.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-27T09:01:00.002+08:00

However you treat your kids

you can be rest assured

they will treat you the same

once the truth is out

The Journey of the Heart

2012-01-26T15:12:00.001+08:00

The journey of the heart is a long and lonely walk
through mountains of trials and oceans of tears.
You will meet some wonderful joys and heartbreaking sadness
You may think it's hard but you get by with a little kindness.
With barren landscapes of hate and expansive fields of love
To the darkness of hopelessness to the bright light of a promise,
Treading through fears of tomorrow and running from the angers of yesterday
How far will you go when your present is an intentional delay?
Your feet ache with anguish and your back is strained with affliction,
They are things you leave behind when you head towards your destination.
Though sorrows are as abundant as grass, the winds of bliss will carry you away
Every step is an adventure even if you burn your soles on the blistering clay.
Rains of desire may arrive, storms of tragedy may follow.
A family of sunshine may come, dark clouds may be all you know.
Sometimes an umbrella of friendship unexpectedly open,
But the journey of the heart is a walk you will have to take alone.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-26T13:37:00.000+08:00

Everyone knows that death is inevitable

and yet many of us ignore it

in hope that it will not come

Quote of the Day

2012-01-23T17:31:00.000+08:00

When death comes for you,

just die,

no one will hold it against you

What I Learned Today: Strange Sounds in the Sky

2012-01-22T10:23:00.001+08:00

Do you hear what I hear? Or is it as fake as a flying plate?
Unidentified Audible Objects?
Electromagnetic Weapon?
Earth groaning?
Space craft?
The sounds of trumpets?
The Active Denial System?
Sasquatch's howl?
Governments drilling underground bomb shelters?
HAARP (High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program) research project on ionosphere?

http://www.nowpublic.com/strange/strange-sounds-heard-around-world-videos-and-theories-2882133.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_Denial_System
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electromagnetic_weapon#Use_against_humans
http://www.darkgovernment.com/news/possible-explanations-for-strange-sounds/

The SOPA & PIPA show

2012-01-20T13:28:00.000+08:00

What I Learned Today: The Day the LOLCats Died

2012-01-20T10:32:00.000+08:00

hehe :P

Quote of the Day

2012-01-20T04:46:00.000+08:00

If you know you've done wrong,

and are able to admit it

and accept it with grace

then only will you be able to

trust yourself,

move on

and make better decisions.

Lyric Spoofing: Sung to the tune of Dancing Queen

2012-01-20T04:45:00.001+08:00

Gambling Queen

A game of chance, shoot some craps, gambling's the breath of my life
With some luck, I could plug or go home and feed the ducks

Friday night when my cash is low
Looking out for a casino
Where the stake is all or nothing, where I sink or swim
I could do with an ace or king
Everything I wish to buy
I'm losing fast, I can only sigh
With bourboun on the rocks and a handful of dimes
I'm good for some freelance
Come get into my pants

I am the gambling queen, dumb with greed, truly ripe for sin
Gambling Queen, betting brings me-closer to my dreams, oh yeah
I can call, I can fold, getting my ass kicked is all
Royal flush, skin the hand, streakin' my gambling thing

I'm no quitter I can go on
I ain't lucky but I'm holding on
Trying to stake another, down and out, not blue
I can be so good for you
I'll do it for the chips

I am the gambling queen, poor in means, rich as hell in dreams
Gambling Queen, slot machine, gimme some more change, oh yeah
I can call, I can fold, getting my ass kicked is all
Feel the rush, see me flush, whippin' my gambling touch!

Streakin' my gambling thing

What I Learned Today: Bale Out by RevoLucian

2012-01-19T14:16:00.004+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTihsJQHt48

What don't you fucking understand?
hahahhahahhhahhahha

Bale Out

Do you want me to go fucking trash your lights?
Do you want me to fucking trash em?

Fuck, what the fuck is it with you?
I was looking at the light
(x4)

It's fucking distracting
Oh, good
(x4)

No! No! Fuck! (x8)

What dont you fucking understand?
I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass
(x4)

Think for one fucking second
Shutup shut the fuck up
(x4)

What dont you fucking understand?
I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass
(x4)

Give me a fucking answer

Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up
Shutup if you cant take a joke
You are trashing my scene
Shut the fuck up would you, shut the fuck up
Shutup if you cant take a joke
I aint walking on this set if you're still on it
Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up
Shutup if you cant take a joke
I'm fucking serious
Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up
Shutup if you cant take a joke
You are trashing my scene

What dont you fucking understand? (x4)

What dont you fucking understand?
I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass
(No! No! Fuck!)
(x4)

Seriously man you and me are fucking done professionally
Fucking ass

SOPI

2012-01-19T13:34:00.000+08:00

Guest in John's blog

2012-01-18T13:07:00.000+08:00

http://johnlingblog.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/guest-post-by-julya-oui/

So honored John.

Make things simple

2012-01-16T10:02:00.000+08:00

Make things simple.
The last thing you want in your life
is a complicating relationship,
a disorganized wardrobe,
a congested home,
an overwhelming job,
an excessive lifestyle,
an over accumulation of properties,
a rumble of indecisive thoughts,
an anger issue,
a grievance over the past,
a bagful of worries,
unwarranted fears
that leaves you with
an empty heart,
an aching head
and a solitary soul.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-15T20:42:00.003+08:00

If you want it

say Yes

What I Learned Today: Experiences After The Third Eye Opening

2012-01-13T21:10:00.000+08:00

I've always heard about the third eye and about opening it but I never really paid much attention. I was researching for a story of mine when I cam across this very useful website:

http://www.personal-development-coach.net/third-eye-opening.html

Are you ready to venture into this realm of unimaginable wonder?

Cycling through the Paths of Life

2012-01-13T09:22:00.001+08:00

I haven't been cycling for a long time although I love doing it. But since I uprooted from the city and came back to my hometown I started cycling again and I saw so many sights I would have never seen if I was in a car.

Living near the Lake Gardens I already have a wonderful and mesmerizing view of nature. Today I saw a flock of swifts in their morning feeding frenzy, swooping down and breaking into the surface of the water to catch they meal. I think they could be pondskaters.

And while cycling through a small path of enchanted looking canopy of trees and greenery a squirell fell from the top, probably after a fight, and dash back up again when it noticed me watching.

A few days back I saw a man holding a baby civet cat by the tail, I think it was, from a distance and educating a group of senior citizens about it. After a short while he released it on a tree and it made its way to freedom while mewing like a small kitty.

And then there was this excitement I saw when I passed a group of people looking at something on the ground. I took a look and saw what must have been a heavily pregnant goat. I think it was having some complications with birth or it was sickly because it couldn't stand on its own. They people seem to be trying to solve the problem but I didn't stay to observe lest it was something unpleasant.

An elderly cyclist resting at the side waved to me to acknowledge this wonderful invention and I smiled back.

Climbing up the hilly slopes where I live is really an effort but wheeling down it is the best feeling one could ever have. I just love the breeze rushing at me and what an uplifting to do first thing in the morning.

What I Learned Today: Weight Measurement

2012-01-12T18:08:00.003+08:00

My mom wanted to convert 12 tahils to grams and god forbid all scales only go by kilograms or pounds. Thank goodness for the internet where I found the weight conversion table at http://www.onlineconversion.com/weight_all.htm

If 1 Kati (Japan) = 16 tahils = 0.6 Kg = 600 gms = 1.322 Pounds
So 12 tahils (Japan) = 450.12 gms

What would I do without the internet?

Noir Dog

2012-01-11T10:21:00.000+08:00

What are you looking at?

You'll be Alright

2012-01-10T14:53:00.000+08:00

Baby when you feel down

don't let it take away the best of you

come take my hand and join me for a trip to the moon

Come hear the music

when you are down and you are out

everything is magical and it's a miracle

O' don't keep yourself all locked up

you'll be all right

I'm here for you

don't worry

you'll be all right

you will win one more fight

don't you forget it

don't you regret it

Sometimes things don't seem right

they fall apart when you least expect it to

but it doesn't matter you still got a chance you can try

Come hear the music

when you are down and you are out

everything is magical and it's a miracle

O' don't keep yourself all locked up

you'll be all right

I'm here for you

don't worry

you'll be all right

you will win one more fight

don't you forget it

don't you regret it

Baby when the skies are gray

and all you feel is like the color blue

be the change you want you know it's all up to you

Come hear the music

when you are down and you are out

everything is magical and it's a miracle

O' don't keep yourself all locked up

you'll be all right

I'm here for you

you'll be all right

things will pass once they are gone

just hang in there for a while

If you ever feel bad

there's no one there to help or give a hand

you know you can count on me baby I'm your friend

Come hear the music

when you are down and you are out

everything is magical and it's a miracle

O' don't keep yourself all locked up

you'll be all right

Baby when you feel down

don't let it take away the best of you

come take my hand and join me for a trip to the moon

I'm here for you

You'll be all right

Would you Believe?

2012-01-09T13:15:00.004+08:00

And someone else told me:

It's hot news in the metaphysical world :) I'm glad she's come out to say something -- that would result in many more souls awakening!

The 3 days & nights of darkness will be when Earth passes through the photon belt, transitioning to 5th dimension. It is believed in some circles that we will experience a sort of "amnesia" as we leave behind the lower density existence so we are "purified" when we exit this phase. Nothing that is in low vibration can exist in 5D. There are many different "potentials" at this point in time, but one thing is for sure...Earth WILL go on to 5th dimension where she belongs, with or without Humanity making the transition with her.

This is the year of Greater Truths...they have been withheld from us for too long. What she said about govts who "know" all about ETs etc...believe it! Prepare for more to surface...

Quote of the Day

2012-01-08T09:39:00.000+08:00

When you finally find home

you would never again run around

or travel as much anymore.

The Blasphemer by John Ling

2012-01-06T17:18:00.002+08:00

By the time I get a chance to review this book you would most likely have read it already. You can check out his work at http://www.johnling.net/ and http://johnlingblog.wordpress.com/ to get more info about the book and the author.

* I pinched the image from your site John :P

Beginning 2012

2012-01-01T13:51:00.000+08:00

Ahh, this year is brought in by gloomy clouds,
showers of rain and dark skies
as though there is impending doom.
But to me,
it's more of a time for cleansing.
Spring cleaning.
Renewal.
Being creative
about the life
that we lead.
About the things
that we want.
About being
true.
The sun may be hidden
in the dark overcast
but it's waiting
for the right time
to begin again.

Quote of the Day

2011-12-29T07:53:00.000+08:00

If you can't do anything without money,

Don't you think you have already been enslaved?

Quote of the Day

2011-12-25T12:36:00.000+08:00

When you can't accept the truth

someone tells you.

You tend to payback that person

with some form of hurt.

Mackie: Love is Forever

2011-12-25T06:48:00.004+08:00

Pets are for Life.

Be Responsible.

How Music and Lyrics Saved my Life

2011-12-24T06:33:00.005+08:00

I sometimes wonder if musicians, singers and performers know how much of power they have in their hands. I come from a time when there were only 2 TV channels with limited airing time, one English radio channel and Rediffusion, nothing even remotely close to what is known as the internet but arcades which had pinball machines, space invaders and foosball. Some of the best treats I remembered having was to buy a vinyl record only a few months once after accumulating enough pocket money to purchase it. Though my collections were few they were definitely precious. Vinyls was one of those things we used to give as presents on birthdays and celebrations. The thrill of owning a beautifully designed album cover with perhaps only a few songs of your liking was a gift better than anything anyone could appreciate. The idea of getting it home and playing it on the turntable while you sit in the quiet of the room listening to it was just perfect. It was also a time when we could not own, purchase or get every song we listened to because of its availability or cost. In my hometown the record shops had a service, which is now known as piracy, and copy our song selections on cassette tapes for a fee. Other than that the only other way to appreciate songs was from the radio and I always knew when Patrick Teoh, Janet Ambrose, Faridah Merican or Constance Haslam came on air to host my favorite programs. Every Sunday was a feast for the ears because I could spend hours listening to hits from the US, UK and some local favorites. I usually arm myself with a pen and paper to jot down the names of the songs as soon as the DJs read them out and go to the record shop to add them to my collection.

I can still remember the first time I heard ‘Another Bites the Dust’ and how ‘Funky Town’ was a number one hit in both sides of the Atlantic, when two songs with the same title ‘Woman in love’ hit the charts and that one of the DJs used ‘Pilot of the Airwaves’ for her theme song. And on TV my best times were the midnight movies which really did start at midnight or later. I would sneak to the hall and sit as close as I could in front of the TV and watch with the lowest volume so that I won't wake anyone up to chase me back to bed. But as I experienced life and found that I was different from the 'norm' I began to seek for answers everywhere I could find. Along the way, from an innocent kid to one that was filled with depression and confusion, I always went back to the songs to help me get through the day and keep my spirits up. As life got harder for me carry as an adult I drowned myself more into songs and sang along to get the madness out of my system. I guess that is one of the reasons why I love musicals as well because for one they were repeated almost every few months on TV and practically became part of my growing up ritual. And the other thing was the way lyrics were written that seemed to know what I was feeling; like fallinf in love, feeling on top of the world and sticking to one's own beliefs. Once 'I could have danced all night' was my theme song, not because it was a love song but because it was a song of celebration of life as though one has been given a new lease. To me, it was the kind of song that I would sing when my wish came true, and I did. I still feel that life is a musical whether its a composition from Lerner and Lowe, Rodgers and Hammerstein,Andrew Llyod Webber, Stephen Sondheim, Leonard Bernstein, Cole Porter, Tim Rice, etc.

The thing about liking a song or feeling close to it is the magic it brings at that particular time because it all seem to come togther and make sense. While struggling to get out of myself when I was caught in between worlds I used to sing pretty loudly to Kate Bush's 'Get out of my house' from The Dreaming album aka I've Gone Mad album so says Kate Bush herself. The song was actually inspired by Stephen King's novel The Shining and the lyrics go like this.

(Get out of my house)
No strangers feet
Will enter me
I wash the panes
I clean the stains away.
This house is as old as I am
This house knows all I have done
They come with their weather hanging around them
But can't knock my door down.
With my key I (lock it)
With my key I (lock t)
This house is full of m-m-my mess
This house is full of m-m-mistakes,
This house is full of m-m-madness
This house is full of, full of, full of, full of fight.

It really made me want to kick down the door of existence down and grab it by the throat. The Dreaming is still my favorite beside Hounds of Love, which I used to play full blast on my Walkman while making a deal with God. And it goes like this:

(Running Up That Hill)
It doesn't hurt me.
Do you want to feel how it feels?
Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?
You, It's you and me.
And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
Say, If I only could, oh...

And Cloudbusting always gave me hope.

(Cloudbusting)
But every time it rains,
You're here in my head,
Like the sun coming out--
Ooh, I just know that something good is gonna happen.
And I don't know when,
But just saying it could even make it happen.

When CDs started to flood into the market commercially I purchased my very first which was The Best of Pat Benatar. One of her songs was featured in an underrated movie, so I think, which was a box office failure that garnered a lot of negative reviews. But I loved it and after a long and endless search I found it and rewatched it again recently. The movie, The Legend of Billie Jean, had an anthemic song by Pat Benatar call 'Invincible' that served as the music score and eventually built up to the grand finale to a underdog victory a la Joan of Arc.

(Invincible)
This bloody road remains a mystery.
This sudden darkness fills the air.
What are we waiting for?
Won't anybody help us?
What are we waiting for?
We can't afford to be innocent
stand up and face the enemy.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
This shattered dream you cannot justify.
We're gonna scream until we're satisfied.
What are we running for ?
We've got the right to be angry.
What are we running for when there's nowhere we can run to anymore?
We can't afford to be innocent
stand up and face the enemy.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.
And with the power of conviction there is no sacrifice.
It's a do or die situation - we will be invincible.

Each time I watch this movie I want to scream out and sing along with Pat Benatar and start a revolution. Well, that's saying so much about how songs really influence me. Heart is also my muse, or rather muses since they are Ann and Nancy Wilson. Just listening to their voices is enough for me to get by and believe since the sisters kickass like nobody's business. Whenever I hear their songs like ‘Never’, ‘What about love?’, ‘Alone’, ‘Who Will You Run To?’, and then some I know I can do anything.

Jim Steinmen is so far the one and only songwriter that I love best for his lyrics but I occasionally would buy into a Diane Warren’s compositions. His usual mouthful of poetic verses is quite a challenge to sing but if you love his creation you'd do anything for love.

(Tonight is what it means to be Young)
I've got a dream when the darkness is over
We'll be lyin' in the rays of the sun
But it's only a dream and tonight is for real
You'll never know what it means
But you'll know how it feels
It's gonna be over (over)
Before you know it's begun
(Before you know it's begun)
It's all we really got tonight
Stop your cryin' hold on (tonight)
Before you know it it's gone (tonight)
Tonight is what it means to be young
Tonight is what it means to be young

‘Tonight is what it means to be young’ was featured in the movie Streets of Fire: A Rock & Roll Fable, which again is cheesy and a little out dated but worth a watch.

After having gone through life's many complicated facets with the help of these god-sent angels, I have now mellowed down to Sting, Peter Gabriel, Bryan Ferry, Kim Carnes, Andre Bocelli, Fleetwood Mac and other veteran crooners, although I still get disco (yes I actually like these kitschy songs), new wave, rock, R&B, oldies and instrumentals in my random play. Depending on what I feel like at the moment I could be baptized by ambient music, soundtracks or show tunes and then go on to classical and opera and jump to a completely different genre. The impact of songs is so great I can't imagine a world without them whether they are ridiculous or superficial or morally guided. I'm sure many of us cried our eyes out, danced like monkeys, sang like there's no tomorrow, dedicated songs to each other or made them theme songs in our lives at least once.

If you were an artiste and you know that your songs change lives would you hesitate even for a moment to showcase your best works for the world to hear?

Quote of the Day

2011-12-24T06:26:00.001+08:00

If you are living a miserable life

you know deep in your heart

you still haven't forgiven yourself

for what you've done in the past.

My Dearest Friend

2011-12-15T09:36:00.001+08:00

Hey,
I'd like to let you know that
I cannot be your friend anymore.
I hope you are alright with it
since I am going to be truthful and sincere.
It's not that I don't like you or
find you unpleasant.
But I realize I have grown
and change with the times.
I no longer wish to discriminate anyone
for being who they are,
I am through with comparing
the color of my skin
and the greatness of my religion.
I don't want to take any political stand
just because someone wants me to,
I can make that decision on my own.
I know we used to find stray animals disgusting
and how we sometimes hurt them for fun.
I have grown out of that ignorance
and I love animals more than I ever had before.
I am gradually moving into vegetarianism,
I don't need meat to satisfy my hunger anymore.
I can do without steak or bacon or pork roast
for I simply enjoy vegetables as fresh as I can get them.
My career days are over since I no longer
need an expensive lifestyle.
I don't want to chase something that isn't making me happy.
And I have no need for wealth beyond my dreams
because I have no intention to claim
a piece of earth and call it mine.
My weekly shopping days are no more a necessity
and my collection of bags and shoes and dresses are long gone.
I do with what I can and prefer to recycle hand me downs.
My taste for the nightlife has simmered down too.
All of a sudden I have no need for noise in the nightspots
and I prefer the peace and quiet in the home.
I have also learned to love the silence of good company,
I guess we have grown apart
and I appreciate your friendship all these years.
But I don't want to compromise myself
for the sake of keeping a friend.
I may have enjoyed dissing someone we knew
or cutting a stranger down to size
but it doesn't make sense to me anymore.
I don't need to do all those to be happy,
I don't have to follow a set of rules
created by people who doesn't know me
or understand me or think of my well being.
I know it's not my place to tell anyone to change
that's why I have to move on and tell you
I can no longer be your friend.
It was great while it lasted
but I need to find my way
through this sometimes bleak and demoralizing world
with an open mind and a heart inspired by
the very core of my spirit.
I enjoy beautiful things more than I wish to see them ugly
if you know what I mean.
Maybe someday our paths would cross again
but until then I wish you well
and I wish you everything that you ever ask for.
Love,
someone
who used to be a friend.

Look Up to the Night

2011-12-10T08:26:00.000+08:00

I watch the sky at night,
looking at the stars,
the constellations,
the wonderment.
Observing the lights
that twinkle,
that are stationary,
that passes.
I look at the clouds,
the moon,
the darkness.
Breathtaking,
magnificent,
mesmerising.
Beyond reach
from the stains
of people down below.
No one,
not many,
looks up
anymore.

Quote of the Day

2011-12-08T06:02:00.001+08:00

Talking less is better

than talking stupid.

Into the life of the Living

2011-12-03T16:10:00.000+08:00

As I walk along Gurney Drive
I hear voices
and sounds
people make to
be understood,
to be accepted,
to be comforted,
to be a part of that whole
business of belonging.
Talks of devastation,
discussions of passion,
calls for trades,
exchanges of ideas,
proposals that matter
and disposals of troubling anguish.
Through cell phones,
with lovers,
among friends,
a nod to strangers
and a gesture all alone.
The sea is calm,
the tide is out,
the moon hangs down
like a lantern
in the ebony sky.
Everyone had their meals,
everything's in its place,
everybody's walking
to wear away the excess
of their baggages.
They didn't see it
although they knew it.
They didn't hear it
although it was jarring.
They didn't feel it
although they scratch themselves silly.
But they will soon taste the saltiness,
and smell the fear
that they have buried
in the shallow graves
of their unrest.

Quote of the Day

2011-12-02T08:12:00.000+08:00

For the self-righteous:

What you do now determines who you are today,

What you do tomorrow has yet to determine who you are

For the ignorant:

Shut the fuck up and do it already!

For those who already know but need a gentle reminder:

What you don't do today will still not get done tomorrow

A Glimmer of Hope

2011-12-02T06:36:00.001+08:00

As bad as situations are in the whole world, thank goodness
there's still a glimmer of hope from the heavens.

World Aids Day - Dec 1st

2011-12-01T06:51:00.002+08:00

http://www.worldaidsday.org/
http://www.2015quilt.com/

It's you,

It's me,

It's us.

The Saddest Show on Earth

2011-11-29T10:18:00.003+08:00

http://www.ringlingbeatsanimals.com/default.asp

Please stop, please stop,

it's not funny,

it's not entertaining,

it's not kind.

Please stop.

The City's not my Home

2011-11-28T15:58:00.001+08:00

The city's not my home.
Not the heavy thundering traffic
that crawl from day to night
from road to road
blocking street to street
and zooming highways and byways.
Not the smog and haze and cough mixture
of frustration and aggravation and indecision.
Not the unscheduled transports
that grind my hours into days
to get something done
while getting nothing done.
The runaround and the merry-go-round
and the screw around of that awful sound.
The city's not my home
where trees are uprooted to make way for cars,
to widen roads and to dig more tunnels.
Nature is obliterated, annihilated and eradicated.
For houses, for mansions, for condos
for those who pay with lies and deceit.
The city's not my home,
that's why I've gone back to the town
where trees are abundant,
wildlife is plentiful,
air is invigorating,
and humans are few.
But how long will my home last
before someone bludgeons
it with the grief of the city,
the agony of triviality,
and the vile smell of pride?

Bee having a go at a Rambutan

2011-11-28T15:31:00.005+08:00

Kingfisher up in the Rambutan tree

2011-11-28T15:30:00.000+08:00

Rambuts rambuts everywhere

2011-11-28T15:08:00.001+08:00

Quote of the Day

2011-11-24T06:13:00.000+08:00

Art is beautiful when it comes from the heart
but when you slap a price tag to it and start the bidding war
it can be one of the most irrational things you'll ever see

What I Learned Today: A Girl's gotta do what girl's gotta do

2011-11-22T13:19:00.003+08:00

http://www.financetwitter.com/2008/04/maths-genius-sufiah-enjoys-sex-career.html

Be not a Hypocrite unto Thyself

2011-11-21T19:55:00.001+08:00

Love the sinner but hate the sin; well ain't that the biggest bullshit ever.
It's like a vegetarian saying I'm vegetarian but I like chicken soup.
It's like you lover saying 'I respect you too much to want to have sex with you'.
It's like the man who tells his daughter not to say the word 'fuck' but he goes and cheat on his wife.
It's like a woman who hates the word 'bitch' but that is exactly what she calls other women she hates.
It's like a believer of god saying 'I tolerate other religions' but he prays for them to convert.
It's like the pious telling you not to use god's name in vain and yells 'Oh God, Oh God!' when having sex.
It's like politicians telling you they care for you and spend all your money on their monthly vacation.
It's like the government hugging you but screwing you at the same time.
It's like saying I hate his pedophilic acts but we'll ignore it since he's a priest.
It's like a man saying 'I'm not gay, but I get really excited when I see naked men'.

I'm just sayin' it...

The untold story of Madam Lai Kwan

2011-11-21T19:30:00.000+08:00

Where is your heart Mitshubishi? Where is your heart?

Quote of the day

2011-11-17T11:06:00.000+08:00

When you are ignorant

your world remains belligerent

Quote of the Day

2011-11-17T10:56:00.002+08:00

Once you are a victim,

there's a great chance that you might become the perpetrator

Save the Internet!

2011-11-16T20:55:00.000+08:00

http://www.avaaz.org/en/save_the_internet/?tta

It always starts with something small and then before you know it it's 1984 all over again. Or Equilibruim or Fahrenheit 451 or Gattaca or THX 1138.

How much do you Love Someone?

2011-11-15T14:21:00.002+08:00

I was sitting in my sister's room working on my laptop on a makeshift table rewriting the Inspector Dores Mystery when the rains came unexpectedly. My father came in from the opposite room to close one of the windows that was most likely to let in the rain. Since the windows were tinted my father switched on the lights for me when it got a little darker and walked away.

I was so moved by his gesture it reminded me of 'Christmas Day in the Morning' by Pearl S. Buck. (http://www.allthingschristmas.com/stories/InTheMorning.html) If you've never read this small but inspiring story you must must give it a go. It will make you a better person whether you want it to or not.

And if you truly love someone with all your heart remember it is always the small things that matter. Below is the story:

Christmas Day in the Morning

By Pearl S. Buck

He woke suddenly and completely. It was four o'clock, the hour at which his father had always called him to get up and help with the milking. Strange how the habits of his youth clung to him still! Fifty years ago, and his father had been dead for thirty years, and yet he waked at four o'clock in the morning. He had trained himself to turn over and go to sleep, but this morning it was Christmas, he did not try to sleep.

Why did he feel so awake tonight? He slipped back in time, as he did so easily nowadays. He was fifteen years old and still on his father's farm. He loved his father. He had not known it until one day a few days before Christmas, when he had overheard what his father was saying to his mother.

"Mary, I hate to call Rob in the mornings. He's growing so fast and he needs his sleep. If you could see how he sleeps when I go in to wake him up! I wish I could manage alone."

"Well, you can't, Adam." His mother's voice was brisk. "Besides, he isn't a child anymore. It's time he tok his turn."

"Yes," his father said slowly. "But I sure do hate to wake him."

When he heard these words, something in him spoke: his father loved him! He had never thought of that before, taking for granted the tie of their blood. Neither his father nor his mother talked about loving their children--they had no time for such things. There was always so much to do on the farm.

Now that he knew his father loved him, there would be no loitering in the mornings and having to be called again. He got up after that, stumbling blindly in his sleep, and pulled on his clothes, his eyes shut, but he got up.

And then on the night before Christmas, that year when he was fifteen, he lay for a few minutes thinking about the next day. They were poor, and most of the excitement was in the turkey they had raised themselves and mince pies his mother made. His sisters sewed presents and his mother and father always bought him something he needed, not only a warm jacket, maybe, but something more, such as a book. And he saved and bought them each something, too.

He wished, that Christmas when he was fifteen, he had a better present for his father. As usual he had gone to the ten-cent store and bought a tie. It had semed nice enough until he lay thinking the night before Christmas. He looked out of his attic window, the stars were bright.

"Dad," he had once asked when he was a little boy, "What is a stable?"

"It's just a barn," his father had replied, "like ours."

Then Jesus had been born in a barn, and to a barn the shepherds had come...

The thought struck him like a silver dagger. Why should he not give his father a special gift too, out there in the barn? He could get up early, earlier than four o'clock, and he could creep into the barn and get all the milking done. He'd do it alone, milk and clean up, and then when his father went in to start the milking he'd see it all done. And he would know who had done it. He laughed to himself as he gazed at the stars. It was what he would do, and he musn't sleep too sound.

He must have waked twenty times, scratching a match to look each time to look at his old watch -- midnight, and half past one, and then two o'clock.

At a quarter to three he got up and put on his clothes. He crept downstairs, careful of the creaky boards, and let himself out. The cows looked at him, sleepy and surprised. It was early for them, too.

He had never milked all alone before, but it seemed almost easy. He kept thinking about his father's surprise. His father would come in and get him, saying that he would get things started while Rob was getting dressed. He'd go to the barn, open the door, and then he'd go get the two big empty milk cans. But they wouldn't be waiting or empty, they'd be standing in the milk-house, filled.

"What the--," he could hear his father exclaiming.

He smiled and milked steadily, two strong streams rushing into the pail, frothing and fragrant.

The task went more easily than he had ever known it to go before. Milking for once was not a chore. It was something else, a gift to his father who loved him. He finished, the two milk cans were full, and he covered them and closed the milk-house door carefully, making sure of the latch.

Back in his room he had only a minute to pull off his clothes in the darkness and jump into bed, for he heard his father up. He put the covers over his head to silence his quick breathing. The door opened.

"Rob!" His father called. "We have to get up, son, even if it is Christmas."

"Aw-right," he said sleepily.

The door closed and he lay still, laughing to himself. In just a few minutes his father would know. His dancing heart was ready to jump from his body.

The minutes were endless -- ten, fifteen, he did not know how many -- and he heard his father's footsteps again. The door opened and he lay still.

"Rob!"

"Yes, Dad--"

His father was laughing, a queer sobbing sort of laugh.

"Thought you'd fool me, did you?" His father was standing by his bed, feeling for him, pulling away the cover.

"It's for Christmas, Dad!"

He found his father and clutched him in a great hug. He felt his father's arms go around him. It was dark and they could not see each other's faces.

"Son, I thank you. Nobody ever did a nicer thing--"

"Oh, Dad, I want you to know -- I do want to be good!" The words broke from him of their own will. He did not know what to say. His heart was bursting with love.

He got up and pulled on his clothes again and they went down to the Christmas tree. Oh what a Christmas, and how his heart had nearly burst again with shyness and pride as his father told his mother and made the younger children listen about how he, Rob, had got up all by himself.

"The best Christmas gift I ever had, and I'll remember it, son every year on Christmas morning, so long as I live."

They had both remembered it, and now that his father was dead, he remembered it alone: that blessed Christmas dawn when, alone with the cows in the barn, he had made his first gift of true love.

This Christmas he wanted to write a card to his wife and tell her how much he loved her, it had been a long time since he had really told her, although he loved her in a very special way, much more than he ever had when they were young. He had been fortunate that she had loved him. Ah, that was the true joy of life, the ability to love. Love was still alive in him, it still was.

It occured to him suddenly that it was alive because long ago it had been born in him when he knew his father loved him. That was it: Love alone could awaken lovve. And he ccould give the gift again and again.This morning, this blessed Christmas morning, he would give it to his beloved wife. He could write it down in a letter for her to read and keep forever. He went to his desk and began his love letter to his wife: My dearest love...

A Lesson in Life from 127 Hours

2011-11-15T07:08:00.001+08:00

This rock...this rock has been waiting for me my entire life. It's entire life. Ever since it was a bit of meteorite a million, billion years ago. There in space. It's been waiting, to come here. Right, right here. I've been moving towards it my whole life. The minute I was born, every breath I've taken, every action has been leading me to this crack on the out surface.

127 hours is a biopic about a man, Aron Ralston, who got his hand stuck in a rock. You might wonder what is so great about a movie like this. Well, for one it has James Franco in it, and two, it's deeper than you can imagine. Like the quotation above many of us go about our lives doing everything that we can to reach this 'rock' of ours and when we finally do we ask the wrong question: Why me? instead of the right one: Why did I want to come here?

What I Learned Today: The Day Frank lost his Miller

2011-11-15T06:57:00.000+08:00

http://frankmillerink.com/2011/11/anarchy

From the horse's mouth on the Occupy movement:

“Occupy” is nothing but a pack of louts, thieves, and rapists, an unruly mob, fed by Woodstock-era nostalgia and putrid false righteousness.

This is no popular uprising. This is garbage.

...go home to your parents, you losers.

Is this the first sign of dementia?

Occupying that little space called Earth

2011-11-14T17:44:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I get so disgusted with people who tell me they spend RM500 on a dress or RM200 on their hair or RM1500 on a hand phone or RM800 on food or something or rather that they are so proud of to have spent that kind of money for their pleasure. Knowing that some families could survive for a few months with RM1000 makes me sick when I hear all these. Maybe that's why I'm such a misanthrope, finding fewer and fewer people I want to be friends with and who want to be friends with me.

I live in a low cost apartment in PJ where most families are of the low income group and foreigners who share an entire apartment with 3 bedrooms or a shop lot with only a hall. Their meals are simple and life is purely survival. Since the exterior of the apartment is something getting used to, because of the filth, I realise I am able to move out of the place anytime I feel like it, which is by end of this year. But when I see families who are stuck there for more reasons than one I feel so disheartened by this so called distribution of wealth and where the line of poverty is drawn. No one knows the true facts and figures because they are all hyped up or watered down.Where is the assistance? Where is the education?

Eating meat is still considered a luxury and especially the poor are duped into buying them to supplement a decent meal. Also, unnecessary purchases of commercial products which serve no purpose, are drummed into their heads to make it top priority. Most of the people at the apartment where I live don't speak English and life is a day to day endurance just to make ends meet.

While I myself find it difficult to contribute a solution I know this imbalance is going to tip over one day. So is it any wonder why http://www.occupytogether.org exist?

What I Learned Today: Exploding Head Syndrome

2011-11-14T16:20:00.000+08:00

http://www.sleepassociation.org/index.php?p=explodingheadsyndrome
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome

I just found out that there is such a thing known as this. The syndrome itself sounds like a title of a horror story or movie. Perhaps I will write a story based on this incredible condition. Isn't science wonderful? I mean dreadful.

What I Learned Today: Tanka

2011-11-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

Tanka: A form of Japanese poetry; the 1st and 3rd lines have five syllables and the 2nd, 4th, and 5th have seven syllables (Wordweb)

http://tankaonline.com/
http://tankasocietyofamerica.com/index.htm

I look through the lens
of someone's eyes like my own
but I cannot see
with the blood of animals
and the tears of fallen trees

What I Learned Today: The Great Embrace

2011-11-11T08:53:00.000+08:00

Today is the second wave of the Great Embrace.

http://www.globalintentionsforearth.org/111111gateway.htm

Farid & the Supernatural Sleuths in the making

2011-11-09T12:21:00.004+08:00

Illustrated cover by Edwin Kho. A planned children's novels/animation series.

Dreams: Doors & Levels

2011-11-09T09:24:00.000+08:00

I was invited to a house with many doors and levels. Some doors were slightly ajar but some were locked. There were shows, performances, artist's gallery, studios, kitchens and cafeterias. People were moving everywhere in haste. I took a walk to see my ex students staging a play and got lost in the maze of corridors. And I couldn't find my way back. I tried every door I could see but it was always the wrong one until I saw this man who came out of a very inconspicuous door which lead me back to where I was going. He told me to lock it well because it was a secret door that none should use as a shortcut.

What's Your Purpose?

2011-11-08T16:33:00.002+08:00

Why was I born with a crooked spine?
I ask myself sometimes.
It makes it hard for me to sit upright,
It makes it hard for me to stand for long.
At night when I sleep, I toss and turn
to find the right spot to catch a cradle song.
I wake up with a variety of headaches
That range from subtle throbs to loquacious poundings,
My bowels are always a constant battle,
Cos' moving it always needs a little coaxing.
I've always believed in purposes in our lives,
Be it a simple gesture of love or compassion.
While we carry baggage of all shapes and sizes,
The end comes sooner than we'd like to imagine.
Despite pain or agony some people strive for gold,
Making life easier for you and me and all the rest.
But sometimes, comes someone, who makes it old,
As though life is nothing but a series of mandatory tests.
What's your purpose, where do you go?
Do you have a home, how far do you roam?
What's your purpose, what do you do?
Do you strip someone naked to see his hue?
What's your purpose, do you want to be a superstar?
Do you spread joy or do you leave behind scars?
What's your purpose, are you timid or are you bold?
Would it make any difference if you were born without a soul?

An Interview with my Desire

2011-11-07T22:40:00.000+08:00

http://latitudes.nu/interview-with-julya-oui-author-of-bedtime-stories-from-the-dead-of-the-night/

Thanks Melissa.

Today we Begin

2011-11-06T09:10:00.001+08:00

Some days you see the light coming through your window,
Some days you see darkness that leaves you with all its horror.
Sometimes you just want to stay in bed and fornicate with sorrow,
But some days you want to wake up to a new day and live forever.

These are the days
These are the times
You decide to make
You decide to break

News of dying and news of death
News of the wealthy and news of health
Songs of sadness and songs of love
Can you sing when your heart's about to burst?

Some nights are made of dreams and creations,
Some nights are nightmarish and filled with indignation.
Some of us are full of fire and generous with our desires,
Some of us all watered down and quickly to fold and retire.

These are the days gone bad.
These are the times gone sour.
Your option is to be happy or to be sad,
You can count them in minutes or by the hour.

News of madness, news of insanity,
News of progress, news of calamity.
Mother Nature is simple and all that she is,
But human nature is marked with some kind of disease.

Some days I'm a grouch with the world on my shoulders,
Some days I'm an angel of hope to all the lovers,
Some days we begin to love and understand,
Today we can start by listening and just be a friend.

What I Learned Today: People do change

2011-11-01T13:32:00.001+08:00

I read in the news article about a reformed skinhead and found the story amazing and inspiring.

http://news.yahoo.com/reformed-skinhead-endures-agony-remove-tattoos-162205881.html

2011-10-30T02:43:00.000+08:00

Today there may be something,
May be nothing.
It's the beginning,
it's the end,
It's somewhere between
an insight or a sacm,
a hype or a plan.
What do I know?
What do you know?
I'm a dashboard blogger,
You're a roadblock warrior
and we both make a team
Of human hoggers.
Now that I am,
Now that you are.
How much is enough for you?
How little do you share?
Everything is just pure madness
When your life is incomplete.
Still, a smile is a smile & a kiss is a kiss,
Oh, isn't that so magnificently sweet?

What I Learned Today: Pastafarian

2011-10-26T01:28:00.000+08:00

What I Learned Today: 28th Oct 2011

2011-10-25T22:40:00.001+08:00

This is the end of the creation cycle and not 21st Dec 2012 like how we were lead to believe. This Friday is when we reach Zero Point. So what does this mean?

Comet Elenin?
Financial crash?
Frequency increase?
Countries going bankrupt?
More natural disasters?
Personal changes, heightened consciousness, higher level of frequency vibration, more compassion?
The arrival of the flying spaghetti monster? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster)

You decided. Isn't it time to love that someone you have been neglecting?

Coupling Series

2011-10-22T12:13:00.003+08:00

What I Learned Today: The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement

2011-10-17T13:57:00.001+08:00

www.vhemt.org

I was researching about human genocide and massacres when this site popped up in the search. I was always thinking about the same ideology - for an unwritten scifi novel which I was planning - and now I believe I am not alone. I love the way they answer all the frequently asked questions which makes a lot of sense to me but I doubt if everyone would agree.

And I love their motto : 'Live long and die out' and would have loved to attend their talk 'Thank you for not breeding' if I ever get a chance.

Now, how cool is that?

What I Learned Today: The 100th Monkey Phenomenon

2011-10-16T08:58:00.000+08:00

Extract from http://www.wowzone.com/100th.htm:

The Japanese monkey, Macaca fuscata, has been observed in the wild for a period of over 30 years.
In 1952, on the island of Koshima scientists were providing monkeys with sweet potatoes dropped in the sand. The monkeys liked the taste of the raw sweet potatoes, but they found the dirt unpleasant.
An 18-month-old female named Imo found she could solve the problem in a nearby stream. She taught this trick to her mother. Her playmates also learned this new way and they taught their mothers, too.
This cultural innovation was gradually picked up by various monkeys before the eyes of the scientists.
Between 1952 and 1958, all the young monkeys learned to wash the sandy sweet potatoes to make them more palatable.
Only the adults who imitated their children learned this social improvement. Other adults kept eating the dirty sweet potatoes.
Then something startling took place. In the autumn of 1958, a certain number of Koshima monkeys were washing sweet potatoes — the exact number is not known.
Let us suppose that when the sun rose one morning there were 99 monkeys on Koshima Island who had learned to wash their sweet potatoes.
Let's further suppose that later that morning, the hundredth monkey learned to wash potatoes.
THEN IT HAPPENED!
By that evening almost everyone in the tribe was washing sweet potatoes before eating them.
The added energy of this hundredth monkey somehow created an ideological breakthrough!
But notice.
A most surprising thing observed by these scientists was that the habit of washing sweet potatoes then jumped over the sea —
Colonies of monkeys on other islands and the mainland troop of monkeys at Takasakiyama began washing their sweet potatoes!*
(*Lifetide by Lyall Watson, pp. 147-148. Bantam Books 1980. This book gives other fascinating details.)
Thus, when a certain critical number achieves an awareness, this new awareness may be communicated from mind to mind.
Although the exact number may very, the Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon means that when only a limited number of people know of a new way, it may remain the consciousness property of these people.
But there is a point at which if only one more person tunes-in to a new awareness, a field is strengthened so that this awareness is picked up by almost everyone!

Be Ready

2011-10-09T13:33:00.000+08:00

It's how you define yourself.
It's how you want to see the world.
It's how you judge the good and bad,
draw the line between right and wrong.
Everyone can tell you everything
but you determine what you want to do with it.
It's your choice.
If you want to follow
that is also a choice.
If you want to be blind
you choose it for a reason.
No one can screw you up
as much as you can screw yourself.
Your ultimatum is the way
you keep tab of yourself.
Your indecision is just another
reminder of your disillusionment.
And your diabolical mind
is just a playground for the
demons you have raised.
It's how you see life for what it is
and not meddle with other people's.
But if you choose to be
what you've become.
Be ready to accept the rewards
or pay the price.

Euphony Series 2

2011-10-05T17:12:00.001+08:00

Thought of the day

2011-10-03T10:45:00.000+08:00

It's always the same - the sun comes up and the hours slip by. The noise that the people make in the morning to let everyone know that they are alive and preparing to make good of themselves for the day. The noise from the machineries and mad-made gadgets, and the sound of inaudible voices vibrating through the silent air. It makes me wonder where this is all going. It makes me sit at my corner and sip a hot drink and look out the window to see high rises blocking my view of the sky. It makes me ponder on how long more I want to be around all these. Around things that agitate my tranquillity and shake my heart with irresolution.

How you turn the world

2011-10-03T10:33:00.000+08:00

Are you happy now? Are you so elated, so exhilarated, so utterly rapturous that you put someone down today? Just because they are different from what you believe yourself to be? Are you and your god celebrating the death of a person who took his own life because you had a part in it? You put them down with name calling, with your ideals and values, with your principles, with your narcissistic beliefs and your laws and governance. Are you happy now that you have driven someone to death because of all this?

Last night someone committed suicide. Last night someone was killed. Last night someone died for no apparent reason. Last night you murdered someone with your selfishness and you continuing living because of that. How the world turns for you. How you turn the world.

Extract from Lamia

2011-10-02T07:52:00.002+08:00

there is this time,
a time of loss ...
somehwere between achievement
& failure in life's course.
a moment of quiet voidness,
somekind of uncomprehended noises;
an evening transcending into night
& the darkness condescending upon us.
a walk through chambers of nothingness ...
rooms without doors.
nothing becomes logical,
nothing to be perceived,
in the limitations of our psyche,
a time loss consumes our cries.
what are we most afraid of?
what fear do burn?
it's of course
an origin of the timescare elements

Read at your own risk

2011-09-29T18:57:00.001+08:00

Disconnecting the Dotted Line

2011-09-29T08:23:00.000+08:00

It goes like this.
Take this pen
and dot by hand
lines that lead you somewhere.
It can spread like a disease,
take a form
or be what it is.
If you know Georges Seurat
you may want to know
he started this genre
call pointillism.
But today it's known
as stippling too
if you're not into
that kind of religion.
Or hell it's just doodling
while you're bored out of your head
and if it doesn't satisfy you
you could use lines instead.
Once you're done
the dots could mean
fold or tear
or simply you're not all up there.

And then there were Five

2011-09-28T20:59:00.000+08:00

I counted them
one,
two,
three,
four,
five,
and asked where's the six.
But
they told me
there was
only five
all
along.
Are you sure?
I asked.
They nod
and agree
unanimously,
There are only five,
always have been,
and always will be.
But I knew
there was one more
deep within
the recesses of
their belly
since one of them
burped.

Here's the poster, here's the deal

2011-09-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

As far as I know it's yet to be available but do come back and check.

Unbelievable! It's finally out.

2011-09-25T09:26:00.004+08:00

One of the first manuscripts I had to look at was this collection of short, disturbingly creepy stories by Julya Oui. It's publication was stalled for months for one reason or another.

What a relief it was when we finally passed the manuscript to the printers.

According to Oui (pun-tastic surname!), the stories were written and compiled over a number of years, way back when. So there were marked differences in... quality. I could only imagine how old she was when she first started.

I worked on it for a total of over two months. It was a... challenging assignment, partly because I'm not a fan of horror or the macabre. But Oui's imagination's like... whoa. Every few pages, I'd ask myself, "What does she smoke? Think I might want some." Sadly, I don't and can't smoke.

Creepiness abounds in the pages. Upset with her own life and angry at the world, a girl kills herself in the dead of night, adamant that nothing could be worse than the cold embrace of death - and is soon proven wrong. Over and over again.

A priest who laments his flock's disinterest in confessing their sins gets more than he bargains for when a prominent, well-respected member of society walks into the confession booth and opens up about his terrible hidden sin.

A thunderstorm traps a quarrelsome quartet in a mansion with a sprawling front yard filled with derelict vehicles. However, it soon becomes evident that there's something sentient - and sinister - about the roof over their heads.

For a reclusive unfortunate, the shadows between the trees ringing his home harbour a darkness from a violent war-torn past. Elsewhere, an overworked executive is haunted by the scarred, grotesque figure of a laughing vagrant.

A man who would do anything - yes, "anything" - for a million bucks is challenged by an extremely wealthy old man whose idea of "anything" is far worse than any Fear Factor challenge ever devised. For a country girl seeking her fortunes in the city, the harsh reality of the rat race is only the beginning of her nightmare.

Justice comes to a belligerent and cruel robber-rapist in an unexpected, yet most appropriate and macabre manner when he picks the wrong victim. An erotic dance of a different kind in a dim, squalid parlour (are those bloodstains on the walls?) leads a woman to a place she doesn't want to go - or does she?

Julya Oui loves a good story, and writes to appease her imagination and reaffirm her sanity. She loves dreaming up things and making them come alive with the stroke of her pen. Gazing at the night skies, listening to trees, and taking long walks are just some of the things she enjoys doing when she is not lost in the alternate realm. ...Whoa.

Bedtime Stories from the Dead of Night, her first book, came off the presses a couple of days ago, which means it'll be about several weeks before they hit the shelves at all major bookstores.

Just in time for Halloween.

Bedtime Stories from the Dead of Night

Julya Oui

MPH Group Publishing (2011)

218 pages

Fiction

ISBN: 978-967-5222-64-1

Quote of the day

2011-09-05T14:03:00.002+08:00

If you are able to love everything about yourself
then only will you be able
to love others without judgment

I dream of Cormorants

2011-07-29T16:03:00.002+08:00

One morning, before I woke, I dreamt of a flock of cormorants, which was entangled in a net, flying by and then perching on a tree. I told a friend who was on the phone with me and explained to her what a cormorant was. I got help from some old friends and we headed for the tree but no one did anything. Everyone was waiting for everyone else. When I asked why nothing was done, someone said they were waiting for another friend. Another person told me they couldn't find the right scissors to cut the net. I got a little frustrated of waiting and the excuses and started to walk to the birds to free them myself. And then I woke.

This is a cormorant.

Urbanscapes within spools

2011-07-17T08:22:00.002+08:00

And so the spool...

Into the night...

That grew out of love...

And into this sight...

The Tree of Life...

Look ... our hands ... such sheer delight...

Goodbye Abroko

2011-07-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

19 May 1974 - 14 July 2011

The first time I met him I couldn't get his name right until someone spelled it our for me. I knew him as Abroko but I later learned that he was also Avroco. I thought his name was unique and his character was far from anyone I knew. His soft spoken personality amazed me since I knew he was quite the rocker and punk. And for the times he made me laugh with his silly antics, I am grateful to have known someone so special. Have a wonderful after life the way you know how and thanks for being a part of the artistic circle of life.

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

2011-07-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

Press Statement by Doctors on tear gas and chemical laced water were shot into the compounds of Tung Shin and Chinese Maternity

by BERSIH 2.0 [OFFICIAL] on Wednesday, July 13, 2011 at 9:46pm

AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH

We, the undersigned doctors, wish not to enter into the polemics of the Bersih 2.0 march on 9th July 2011 but would like to clarify the inconvenient truth.

We are outraged at the incidents, and the subsequent responses from the authorities, to the events where tear gas and chemical laced water were shot into the compounds of Tung Shin and Chinese Maternity Hospitals, two adjacent buildings along Jalan Pudu, Kuala Lumpur, with scant regard for the safety of patients, staff and the general public who were at the buildings that afternoon.

Hospitals are considered as safe sanctuaries for all, even during war times, but these consecrated places of refuge and protection were violated by the defence forces that afternoon. Police even entered the buildings in search of some of these peaceful marchers. What was most frightening and witnessed by many was the unprovoked violent assault within the hospital compounds and apprehension of several protesters who had merely run into the hospitals to seek shelter from the tear gas and the water cannons!

It is repulsive that the authorities entrusted with policing the nation and protecting the weak and needy, have shamelessly denied publicly, the occurrence of these incidents IN SPITE of countless photo/video and eye witness accounts of what was evident to all independent observers.

A few of the undersigned were actually visiting or working in the hospitals concerned at the time of the events and will gladly provide sworn affidavits, if required, as to veracity of the incidents

The Malaysian public expect holders of high public office to honour their positions accorded by the citizens, by discharging their duties with moral integrity, dignity and transparency.

Their failure to do so raises the public's doubts in their competence and credibilty as much as it demeans those high offices.

Dr Ng Kwee Boon - Consultant Obstetrician & Gynaecologist
Datin Dr Low Paik See - Consultant Paediatrician
Dato’ Dr Musa Mohd Nordin - Consultant Paediatrician & Neonatologist
Dr Mazeni Alwi - Consultant Paediatric Cardiologist
Dr David Quek - Consultant Cardiologist
Dr Sheikh Johari Bux - Consultant Obstetrician & Gynaecologist
Dr Steve Wong - Consultant Plastic Surgeon
Dr Ahmad Farouk Musa - Consultant Cardiothoracic Surgeon
Dr Ng Swee Choon - Consultant Cardiologist

2nd short story in Selangor Times (number series)

2011-07-12T11:08:00.000+08:00

This is my second published story in Selangor Times.

There was a 'Bersih' event and the fan fell on me...

2011-07-10T19:16:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was the first day of my art exhibition. It was really hot under the tent and I was restless. So I got up to walk around as much as I could to keep from drowning in my own perspiration. Since my next door neighbor was the watercolor society and a master was at work I decided to mosey over yonder to get a glimpse of an artists at work. Just as I stepped inside the tent I felt something hitting me really hard on my left shoulder and I wondered if there someone actually did that like an old friend doing the friendship whack on the back.

Everyone around gazed at me as though I was some kind of a sideshow attraction when I realized they were stunned and shocked out of their system at an incident which could have been worse than a scratch on my shoulder. This guy kept asking me if I was okay and his ashen face was enough to tell me what he must have seen. After a moment of shock myself I piece the entire thing together upon seeing the fan on the floor just inches away from me. I still didn't make much fuss about it but the people wanted to really make sure I was okay. I looked for signs and felt a little stinging on the shoulder and found a superficial scrap on my left calf. Other than that I was unharmed. What a thing to remember on my first art exhibition. The organizers were so afraid of what could have happened to me that they kept appologizing every chance they get. One even suggested I could have been beheaded by this freak accident but it gave me only more ideas for a horror story.

I was also thinking very much about the Bersih 2.0 rally happening simultaneously within the city limits while I was feeling hot and restless with loud music blaring throughout the flower fest. I couldn't help but wonder if my friends were there and if they were okay. If everything was under control or everything was chaotic and frightening. I kept asking for divine intevention or was it alien intervention to help ease the people's march for a cause they believe in. I don't know what the future holds now but I know it can be good ... only if everyone wants it to be.

http://www1.malaysiakini.com/news/169507

Strip me: In honor of the forgotten

2011-07-10T18:46:00.000+08:00

This song is just so appropriate after yesterday's event.
http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/169444
http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/169480
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnhDIGTldho

Strip Me - Natasha Beddingfield

La-la-la-la-la la
lala la la-la la lala
[repeat]

Everyday I fight for all my future somethings
A thousand little wars I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime earning things I don't need
That's like chasing rainbows and coming home empty

And if you strip me, strip it all away
If you strip me, what would you find
If you strip me, strip it all away
I'll be alright

Take what you want steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I'll just scream
I'm only one voice in a million
But you ain't taking that from me (oh ooh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that!

I don't need a microphone yeah
To say what I've been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
That's always on eleven

And if you strip me, strip it all away
If you strip me, what would you find
If you strip me, strip it all away
I'm still the same

Take what you want steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I'll just scream
I'm only one voice in a million
But you ain't taking that from me (oh ooh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that!

Cause when it all boils down at the end of the day
It's what you do and say that makes you who you are
Makes you think about, think about it doesn't it
Sometimes all it takes is one voice

Take what you want steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I'll just scream
I'm only one voice in a million
But you ain't taking that from me (oh ooh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that from me (oh oh)
You ain't taking that!
[repeat]

Let my people go

2011-07-04T17:41:00.000+08:00

In this age and time,
In this era of the undermined,
Let my people go!

In this dreadful war of losses,
In this oppressive tiny clauses,
Let my people go!

In your heart of hearts,
In your mindful crafts,
Let my people go!

In the silent surrender,
In the warmth asunder,
Let my people go!

In the darkest night for the frighten child,
In the brightest day of lucid days gone wild,
If you would not let my people go without reservation
Would you at least let yourself be love, be compassion?

A Floral Choral & Spring Cleaning

2011-07-04T17:19:00.002+08:00

Counting down to Saturday July 9th, 2011. What are the odds that it's occurring simultaneously with one of the biggest events on the other side of town known as Bersih 2.0?

Even the King himself has stepped in.

I am following closely the developments of the proposed gathering and procession by Bersih with the aim of handing over a memorandum to me as the Yang di-Pertuan Agong, and how the government, particularly the agencies and departments concerned, is handling the issue.

"However, I believe that the nation's leadership under Yang Amat Berhormat Dato' Sri Mohd Najib Tun Haji Abdul Razak is capable of handling this problem in the best possible way.

"I urge that amid the political fervour of a section of the people to bolster democracy in our country, it must also be ensured that this demand on democracy does not bring destruction to the country.
"Generally, we cannot be following too much the practices in other countries, as harmony and stability are vital foundations for a country and which all quarters must protect.

"I also urge the government to carry out everything that is entrusted to it by the people in a just and wise manner, and it is important that I as the Yang di-Pertuan Agong do not want to see this country with a plural society in a situation where there is animosity among them or a section of the people being enemies with the government, on whatever grounds.

"When any problem arises, we as a civilised society must resolve it through consultations and not follow our emotions, as the Malay saying goes, "Yang Dikejar Tak Dapat Yang Dikendong Berciciran (Not getting what we chaste after and spilling what we carry).

"The fact is, street demonstrations bring more bad than good although the original intention is good. Instead, we should focus on our main objective to develop this country, and not create problems that will cause the country to lag behind.

"Remember that there is no land where the rain does not fall, there is no ocean that is not turbulent. That is how important moderation and compromise is, which has been long been in practice by our nation's administration."

Long live the King and may flowers be our power.

http://www.malaysia-chronicle.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=item&id=15170%3Aking-steps-in-orders-najib-to-discuss-with-bersih&Itemid=2

http://bersih.org/

http://www.todayonline.com/World/EDC110704-0000172/Bersih-2,0-is-Najibs-biggest-challenge

http://www.thenutgraph.com/bersih-2-0-%E2%80%9Cillegal%E2%80%9D-chaos-causing-%E2%80%9Ccommunists%E2%80%9D/

Flyer 2: A floral Choral

2011-06-18T20:20:00.002+08:00

Perhaps a clearer one?

My upcoming group art exhibition: A Floral Choral

2011-06-16T18:37:00.000+08:00

What a Drag! What a wonderful wonderful Queen.

2011-06-05T09:30:00.000+08:00

What could be a better night spent than with Shelah the Queen of comic in drag. As her Army, Natasha, swings on the pole to wow the audience, Arisha flirts with the crowd with her sensual grooves and Roz belts out her renditions as a soulful songstress. It was mainly laughter and rolls but when Shelah sang 'Temporary Home' she brought tears to my eyes...

I was already at the verge of giving up on humanity but she reminded me about the small instances in life that matters. Somehow, last night, she ignited the flame in me again. It must have touched a lot of people too seeing that no one wanted to leave the hall after Shelah lip synced an upbeat song for her life to end the show. You know how it is when people share themselves with you? Those who bring laughter to your life? Those who know your pains? Those who make you feel like you are not alone? This is Shelah, this is her. Thank you for your fabulousness.

Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone.
Another new mom and dad, another school,
Another house that'll never be home.
When people ask him how he likes this place...
He looks up and says, with a smile upon his face,

"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."

Young mom on her own.
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go.
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,
Because a half-way house will never be a home.
At night she whispers to her baby girl,
"Someday we'll find our place here in this world."

"This is our temporary home.
It's not where we belong.
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."

Old man, hospital bed,
The room is filled with people he loves.
And he whispers don't cry for me,
I'll see you all someday.
He looks up and says, "I can see God's face."

"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This was just a stop,on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know... this was
My temporary home."

This is our temporary home.

Excerpt: - That's the Way it is

2011-06-04T09:02:00.001+08:00

Coming out in the next issue of Shock & Awe - http://shockawemedia.wordpress.com/

That's the Way it is

If I said ‘I am' does it mean 'I should'?

The trouble with being human is the inconvenient distinction that we tend to attribute to everyone by category and classification. Whether it is done for demographics or with prejudicial intentions we cannot deny the fact that we all take the role of judge, jury and executioner at some point of our lives. It is hard to avoid stereotyping someone when a lot of our behaviors and personalities are derived from our ethnicity, socio-economic status, religious belief, gender and geographical location. The language that we speak and the accent that we use are all part and parcel of what we inherit from our families and ancestors. Even the way we think and respond to things around us are a smorgasbord of influences that have been demonstrated, coaxed or instructed to help us draw the line between right and wrong, good and bad. This, I guess, is supposed to help us filter out immoral deviants who may be detrimental to our career or reputation. Aren’t we all taught to stay clear away from people who don’t fall into the generally accepted conduct in the social structure? Although the question of normality is vague on so many levels we still claim it as our own when it is to our advantage.

I wonder, I ponder

2011-05-15T20:07:00.000+08:00

This sadness that I'm feeling
is going nowhere.
Everywhere I look around
there's just no one there.

Chorus
I wonder
I ponder
on the absolute blunder.
Of being so excited
about the joy that brings.
Of being so divided
about the little things.

It's a roller coaster ending,
that never gets old.
It's a road without a turning
of a story untold.

I have so many questions
about this feeling I feel
I'm wanting so many lessons,
but where is the thrill?

Sometimes all the lights
go out of my life.
Sometimes all that's left,
is the sound of a sigh.

I'm walking into an empty space
Where do I go?
I'm running round a circling daze,
and there isn't any more.

What do I do
when all is said and done?
It's quiet again
where does it all go down?
Who will I be?
How much do I amount?
Why is it so dark
in this banal old frown?

I Remain Silent

2011-03-29T14:27:00.000+08:00

I've been away
and I've been around.
I see darkness in everyday mishaps
I see light in their projected frowns.
I walk away,
I've walked this way
Sometimes I like to be lost
Sometimes things get in the way.
I can laugh a lot,
I can smile aplenty
I will not refuse my tears
I'm so full, I am empty.
I remain silent,
I remain calm.
There is nothing so deep in the ocean
that I cannot reach with my inner vision.
I lay on my back
I lay on the grass
I watch the cloudy sky
and wait for truth, at last.

One more short story published in Selangor Times

2011-03-13T10:32:00.000+08:00

The paper can also be read/downloaded at:

http://www.scribd.com/doc/50499360/Selangor-Times-11-March-2011